Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success"

For May 12th we read from "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success" from Allen James' series of Calendar Books...."Dream dreams" (James, 2012).

Having dreams (goals, desires, plans for tomorrow) is a must for personal success...for if we have no dreams we have nothing to aim toward for our personal success. Remember, PERSONAL success is what WE make it...not success in the sense of money, material greatness, etc... Personal success comes in very small packages as well as larger than life packages.

As we've established in earlier postings, the secret of having a fulfilling life is in the giving of what a fulfilling life sends our way. If we dream dreams, then follow our dreams we will have something worth sharing with others, hope, inspiration and a meaning to live. What better contribution can we give? Pursuing our dreams produces courage, which is our fuel to achieve personal success in life.

There is a reason why as children we loved magic and dreams. When we stop chasing our dreams we forget how it feels to live hopeful and remain young at heart and soul. Dreamers grow to be independent adults, learning we can make a difference in our own rights. In accomplishing our dreams we appreciate the experience of failure and know failure is just part of success.

Dreaming dreams develops us into interesting people, we show others we have meaning, direction and purpose, and let's face it, it is fun proving the world wrong. The more we chase and accomplish our dreams the more the lines of the boundaries of the world diminish. When we accomplish our dreams, we are the first to see it happen. Dreams are strong enough to define us, once accomplished we prove to others they have no say in who we can and can’t be.

Lauren Zander, of the Handel Group says The very act of putting your dreams into words — or “languaging” them as Lauren calls it — is the crucial first step to believing they are possible to achieve. The next step is to look at how you perceive your dreams as possible or impossible. Don’t be surprised to see cynicism rear its head with dream-blocking thoughts such as “I don’t have the talent to do that” … or “Come on, that would never happen”… “Wow, that’s way too hard”… or , the so common “I can’t afford it.” You can push past these excuses. Lauren points out that even the wealthiest people raise money instead of investing in their own ideas. “So many success stories come from asking for a favor, a loan, a chance,” she says, recounting how a woman she knows always wanted her own jewelry store. “She took a few pieces she had made and asked a store to sell them on consignment — and now her work is being sold in more than 25 stores. Some would say she got lucky — I believe she took a real leap by going in that first store with her bag of ‘stuff’ and asking if they’d take a risk on her.”

  We can get past cynicism by keeping faith with our dream and having the confidence to pursue it. “It is the difference between thinking you are going to do this and hoping you might,” says Lauren. “The uncertainty in hope leaves you more scared than energized and happy. Honestly believing in your dream, on the other hand, excites you and makes the work that goes into attaining it fun.” For example, say we decide to take up bicycling. Believing absolutely we will do this generates an enthusiastic Web search for the appropriate bike and then to find a cycling club in our area. But if we are simply hoping to take up the sport, our Web search will be a low-level priority we won’t likely devote time or attention to… and then another (sort-of) dream bites the dust.

“Our actions follow our thoughts,” notes Lauren. By making our actions consistent with our dream — for instance, if our dream is to become a gracious host or hostess, preparing two new recipes a week, painting our dining room and collecting tableware — our actions are in fact the fulfillment of dreams. “Through your heartfelt dreams, you can make lasting change in your life,” says Lauren. “I believe that is what life is about, having dreams for what you want and going after them. The better the things you want and strive for, the happier you become.”

Dream dreams. Take control of our destiny.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 9th is taken from: "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....

"Tell your significant other you love them and what a beautiful person they are often" (James, 2012).

"Significant other"....what a politically correct combination of words. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines significant other as, "a person who is important to one's well-being; especially : a spouse or one in a similar relationship" (merriam-webster.com).

When my calendar books went to my editor they read "spouse", but it was recommended I change "spouse" to "significant other". Pretty wise recommendation in today's world of a plethora of combinations of living arrangements with those we hold "most important to" our well-being.

Regardless of our significant other, the importance of letting them know what high esteem we hold for them and how much we care and rely on their support and connection is vital to the sustaining and growth ofyour relationship with them.

It's not always easy to share with those we love the most positive words. In all actuality the word "love" is a verb, not a noun. Thus "do" love as often as possible and "saying" love won't be necessary nearly as much (Besides, saying "I love you" too often become trite).

I enjoy cooking and through the years have found it to be an opportune time to "show" love. In my private practice counseling with couples, using cooking as a tool has been a great way of expressing love for one another. Throughout the duration of counseling, at least 2 sessions are spent in my kitchen preparing and having a meal as a couple.

The benefits of cooking with our partner are numerous, which only makes sense then to do it as often as possible! Spending quality time in the kitchen:

Encourages working together as a team to reach a common goal
Encourages communication skills
Encourages spending time together

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success".

For May 8th we read from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success", "Respect the younger generation".

There is so much to learn from each other in this world. Sadly competition exists in places where it has no place. Generational divisions create nothing but negativity. There is much to gain by respecting those younger and those older than we.

Baby Boomers, Generation X, Generation Y, Generation Z, Boomerang Kids....as much as we preach about the dangers of labeling and stereotyping in our society you'd think we'd attempt to get away from sociological labeling, but it appears there's a need to do so for the text books. But is there a need for every decade of individuals to have a title? Doesn't this just create a possible false identity? "Can't we all just get along?"



Having worked with high school and college students for 30 years and studying them, let along having spent countless hours with them; I've acquired a pretty good understanding of where they come from. Respecting them and what they value can make for a more congruent future of connection between the generations. When the generations relate to each other we build positivity and work together to enhance personal success.

We can show respect for the younger generation by supporting what it is they value as needing from us, their elders. Below are the top 10 needs of young people from the people who influence them.

1. Communicate your heart. Being “real” and “transparent” are one of the greatest values of young people. This requires sharing our thoughts and feelings and allowing room for others to share theirs. It means being open with our fears, hopes and motives which earns the respect and trust of others in a social media saturated culture.

2. Cast vision often. When we paint a picture of the end result it aligns affections to the mission. When someone wants to do something, the quality of work that results is recognizably different than someone who is doing it because they have to.

3. Have an honest view of our abilities and our limitations. Overconfidence repels, and humility attracts.

4. Show Respect. Affection for and a desire to follow grows when we treat people as though they have God-given value and significance. Young people loose respect for people who talk down to others.

5. Go Big. Don’t be afraid to take risks. When we take risks it shows we care about something enough to put our faith in it.

6. Give Ownership. Let them contribute and have freedom to fail. Give them opportunities to use their unique gifts and abilities toward the end goal.

7. Persevere. Push through adversity, press into conflict and communicate. With over half of this young generation coming from broken homes, their examples of people who stick things out when it gets tough are few. Therefore, they not only have a real need but also a felt need of seeing people model pushing through in the face of adversity.

8. Be generous. Generosity ignites generosity. When we are generous with our resources, praise, patience and support for a young person’s benefit, they take notice.

9. Honor others.

10. Admit shoutcomings. It’s OK to not always know the answer. Admitting when we’re wrong or asking for someone’s opinion communicates humility and respect which are some of the deepest desires of a young person’s heart (Krokos, Laura. 2013).

Work with each other. Remember the African mantra, "It takes a village".

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

Our reading for May 7th.....from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"...."Do for others when possible".

 A while back a town about 30 miles from where I live served, free I might add, 1,000 people (men, women, and children) who don't have dental insurance but were in need of dental care were provided, again, free of charge, the care they needed through the Missouri Mission of Mercy program.

Preliminary estimates showed 2,600 extractions, 1,165 fillings and 630 cleanings, with about $962,000 in care. I was humbled by the willingness of a community to aid in meeting the needs of its citizens.

Doing for others with what we have it the best way to spread positivity throughout the lives of others. Doing for others by its very nature is generally a subtle, soft, and quiet act. But love and compassion are alive and every day is a new awakening in finding your own unique way to give from a genuinely positive place and also receive graciously. Just imagine the impact if everyone chose to consciously think good, speak good, and do good for others in their worlds.

The beautiful thing about doing for others is the fact it doesn’t matter where you live or go to school, if you are a farmer or a teacher, which cultural group you belong to or the past you have; doing good holds the power to liberate you from the old and help you find your place, in a way doing for others is the most inspiring, empowering and life-enriching act you can commit.

Doing for others as a first priority allows more and more people to discover and express their authentic true selves. In revealing our uniqueness through good, we create a new reality which emphasizes universal humane values, boosting growth and happiness to all.

The time is now, it is up to each and every one of us to replace our old patterns; to realize everyone is capable of making a huge difference.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

 

www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 6th from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success", "Be patient with your parents".

Young adults, whether graduating from high school or college find themselves embarking upon a new chapter of the...ir lives. With this new chapter comes an independence never yet experienced. With the insurgence of those who have been tagged, "boomerang kids", more and more college graduates in the United States returning to the "nest" following college graduation, and more high school gradates hesitating to "fly the coop", relationships which have been parent driven over the past several years find themselves in precarious positions.

"It may be reassuring to some parents with students moving back home, and to those students as well, to know that they are not alone. According to a survey conducted by the consulting firm Twentysomething, Inc., 85% of 2011 college graduates moved back home, at least for a while. The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2011 survey America’s Families and Living Arrangements, found that between 2005 and 2011 the percentage of individuals between 18 and 34 living at home has increased for all groups. In the age group 25-34, the percentage of males living at home has increased from 14% to 19%. The percentage of females in the same age group living at home has gone from 8% to 10%. In the 18-24 age bracket the percentage of males at home has gone from 53% to 59% and females from 46% to 50% (this includes students living in college dorms during the school year)" (www.collegeparents.org).

While parents must demand a following of rules when their young adults remain or return home, they must also realize they are no longer dealing with "children". This becomes a difficult and stressful situation for sometimes aging parents if not parents who still have children in the home as well as those parents who have a more than busy schedule to keep up.

It takes planning and communication for both sides of this coin to make the best of a not so good situation. Set out the "house rules" prior to the move back, and make sure to talk about budgets, expenses, business expectations, life lessons. Parents, attempt to let your student take the lead. Don’t allow either of you to slip back into old childhood routines.

"There is a good chance this phenomenon known as "boomerang kids" is here to stay for a while" states CollegeParents.org. Recognizing your role and working with your student to find a new way of living together and appreciating each other, will be yet another opportunity to forge a strong adult relationship.

Be patient with your parents. As they learn to adjust the "rules", or as they learn to adjust their perceptions toward who you now have become as a young adult, there are bound to be moments of stricture between the camps.

Keep looking up. : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 5th from "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success", "Have diverse friends".

First, let's make sure we all have a clear understanding of what "diverse" really means before we all tied up in the misconception many have of diversity meaning race. Diversity is much more.

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, diversity means "the condition of having or being composed of differing elements : variety; especially : the inclusion of different types of people (as people of different races or cultures) in a group or organization" (www.merriam-webster.com).

How does having diverse friendships encourage positivity and personal success one may ask...simple....when we surround ourselves with "spice" we exude a more flavorful existence.

Certainly we can all recall being told at one time or another, "Variety is the spice of life". Having a diverse group of friends assists us in meeting other diverse individuals which expands our experiences, thus exposing us to learning new things. The more diverse friends, the better we are in relating to the world around us as we mature. However, to meet diverse people, me must put ourselves in situations which are not always comfortable.

Cherie Burbach, of about.com says, "The key to meeting people in these types of situations is to have a sense of humor. You will feel a bit awkward and out of the place, and that's the point. Don't fight it. Instead, laugh off any nervousness and look to the people around you to help you adjust. These are the folks you'll likely connect with" (www.friendship/about.com).

Certainly the more people we get to know the better we are at having a diverse group of friends. Burbach goes on to say, "When it comes to finding new friends, consider breaking the standard rules of small talk and chat up some folks who share a different opinion in subjects that are usually taboo, like religion and politics. Rather than trying to change the person's mind, converse with the goal of trying to understand exactly where they are coming from" (about.com).

Meeting people who have a completely different viewpoint adds to our lives. Once we agree to disagree, we can get to know each other on a more personal basis. These are people who we would normally overlook when it comes to friendship, which makes engaging them all the more important to growing a diverse base of friends.

Have diverse friends. Expanding your group of friends expands your view of the universe. Small thinking results in small living.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 1st is taken from "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"..."Know your limitations" (James, 2012).

Three hundred and eighty years BC a philosopher name Aristotle was teaching about this very thing; he understood when we go beyond our limitations our lives get out of balance. When our lives are out of balance the result is unhappiness, physical illness, negativity and lack of success. For Aristotle, stepping "out of the box" and going beyond your "comfort zone" leads to such an imbalance.

Today we are encouraged to do just what Aristotle cautioned against. We are taught from early on we can be whatever we want to be. We are encouraged as young adults to "step out of the box" and to go beyond our "comfort zone" and look at things from many perspectives to find what it is we truly want out of life.

Like most things in life, moderation is the key (January 24th, "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"). In the fast paced world in which we live today it is much too common to be overwhelmed, not only by those things which we may consider work, but also by aspect in our lives we think of as leisure: family, hobbies, community involvement. We all to often underestimate the role over-extending ourselves plays our emotions, time, effort, concentration, and energy.

Contrary to anything you've you may believe: we do have limits! We can't do it all. Many of the women with whom I counsel in my private practice present with the complaint of being overwhelmed. They are doing so much they don't have time to feel they are doing a good job keeping up with things are home; the family suffers, they suffer. They have to learn they cannot give 100 percent to 5 different areas of your life without eventually crashing. Crashes come in a variety of forms: feeling tired, sad, impatient, or even anger. Wearing too many hats takes a toll on anyone.

Over the years I've found people seem to detest the idea of making priorities in their lives, being the one to make choices for themselves, and beginning to look at other things in their lives they need to practice in moderation in areas of live other than just food, drink, and smoke. When we acknowledge our limitations we are then able to use them tools for growth; where limitations exist we learn to adjust and rethink.

Know your limitations...get your life in balance...We are the creators of our own destinies.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ