Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for April 30th is a quote by the late Ben Sweetland who was a syndicated columnist, psychologist, and author of "I Will", "I Can", and "Grow Rich While You Sleep"; "We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own".

When we share our positivity and successes to help others as they work for the same, we build ourselves up as well. "If you lug your elderly neighbor's groceries up her steps, clearly it's good for her. But did you know that it's likely good for you too" (liveyourlifewell.org)?

Research indicates that those who consistently help other people experience less depression, greater calm, fewer pains and better health. They may even live longer.

Consider some recent research:

Students who performed five acts of kindness a day increased their happiness
Providing emotional support to others significantly decreased the harmful health effects of certain kinds of stress among older people
People who donated money to charity got a boost in a feel-good part of the brain, as revealed in brain imaging research

Doing good can make you feel good. It might

remind you that you're relatively lucky
make you feel connected to others
help you feel needed and effective
take your mind off your own worries for a while
make you feel generous
add a sense of purpose and meaning to your life

Hints on Helping

Consider these tips for helping others—and yourself:

Don't feel like you have to make grand gestures or huge time commitments. Sure, helping can mean serving meals at a homeless shelter every week. But it also can mean:

Calling a friend to see how she's doing
Serving your spouse breakfast in bed
Letting a car in front of you on the highway
Smiling at a stranger in the street
Holding the elevator door for your co-worker

Vary your acts of generosity to prevent the experience from becoming ho-hum, advises happiness researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, who also found that doing several kindnesses in one day gives the best boost.
Beware of taking on too much, or you'll risk feeling resentful. When asked a favor, think it over before saying yes (liveyourlifewell.org).

Remember: You and your actions are what determine your satisfaction with yourself.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success"

Today's reading for April 27th....from "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success" is,

 "Write a poem at least once in your life" (James, 2012)

Self expression is an important aspect of a healthy self concept. Sitting around keeping our thoughts, beliefs, talents to ourselves stifles personal growth.

We each express ourselves in different ways; some sing, others run 5 Ks, some write, still others are great orators. The important thing is to find your nitche and let your energy be known.

Writing at least one poem over your lifetime is a good way to get your own mission on paper to serve ad a "focus" tool. It doesn't have to follow literary rules or stand up to an English teacher's scrutiny; it can be as long or short as you choose...not must it rhythm.

Regardless of what your way of self expression is...just express yourself. Don't "hide your light under a bucket". Let it shine!


Keep looking up. :) AJ
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Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success"

Our April 28th reading from "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success".... "Entertain".

There was a time when entertaining was a way of life. Young couples would have other couples and friends over regularly for board games, dinner, cookouts, fondue....Families could expect extended family to drop by most Saturdays and Sundays. Social skills were learned by the young from adults who modeled appropriate social interaction.

These days there is little entertaining between couples and families; in fact most don't entertain at home at all. Meals are eaten on the go or brought in from fast food establishments.

Interaction with others is such an important aspect of our understanding of the world around us. I have known a few individuals over the years who have been blessed with the talent of hospitality. They enjoy regularly having people over for meals, dessert nights, holiday get togethers. The joys others experience and gratitude expressed enhance relationships and encourage reciprocity.

Entertain. Bring back an aspect of the past which would have been best to never have been ignored.

Keep looking up. :) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

Our reading for April 25th....from Allen James' Calendar Books:

"Don't fear new beginnings" (James, 2012).

Here it is nearly the middle of 2014. It really is surreal how quickly time seems to pass once we begin our busy lives after we've grown beyond our "youth"; carefree days and nights, sleeping in till noon, having the stamina to keep keeping on even when we've only had 2 hours of sleep. But things change, and they change drastically once we hit 30.

Years ago I bought the book, "Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life" (Sheehy, 1974) for a seminar I had attended entitled, "Counseling Men through Middle Age: Mid-life Crises or Just Down Right Dumb". My eyes were opened to the cycles we all encounter as we breeze through life. As I learned how to counsel individuals through various "mid-life crises", my preconceived ideas were uprooted as I found out men really do experience a chemical and physiological "change" (much like the experience of menopause for women) called andropause, or viropause.

It is during these adult "passages" we have the opportunity to begin anew, making changes in our lives which will bring us to a refreshed understanding of what comes next as we transition through a new passage.

Note these times of renewed "beginnings" are nothing like making a resolution, which most of us aren't great at keeping; I was never a big believer in New Year's resolutions for this very fact. As we look approach these forks in the roads on our paths to personal success and begin anew, there are some tools which make starting over a little easier:

1. Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning. This mindset is helpful because it keeps us from wasting our time being too difficult on ourselves.

2. Moving through life is like climbing stairs; we go up a level and then we level off. Nothing is ever a straight shot. We must have some patience with ourselves and with our new found direction.

3. This new beginning we're making is yet another "first" in our lives. It could also be a new life if we approach it in the correct way. Sometimes little ideas can turn into big things.

4. Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even though we may feel what we're leaving behind was the best time in our life so far, the years ahead might just leave it in the dust. This is also true if  what we're leaving behind seemed to be the worst part of our life so far. Maybe we just went through the largest crisis thus far in our life. Search out someone to talk with, preferably an experienced professional who comes highly recommended.

5. Starting over may feel scary, but it's really a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of our anxious feelings will begin to fade.

6. Remember our future is not governed by our past. No matter what has happened in our life, we can find a way to make things a little better for ourselves, and hopefully for those around us as well.

7. Having to start over is different from choosing to start over. For those whose lives are still in chaos because of man made and natural disasters, starting over is not a choice. Giving support to those in need and being able to accept it when necessary are great qualities.

8. Healthy alternatives to negative lifestyle patterns abound. We will want to take baby steps if we don't feel comfortable making all our changes at one time. If we it seems too difficult to stop a bad habit, start by cutting back. It's okay to give ourselves a little time to moderate or stop something which is affecting us adversely.

9. It's not all about joining a gym to get fit. What about taking a dance class to get in shape and have fun at the same time? Although this wasn't something I ever thought I'd do, a good friend talked me into being her partner in a ballroom dancing class many years ago.  It was a blast (and guys, it helps with the ladies every time). Starting over can mean chasing our dreams. We're happiest when we're moving toward a goal.

10. Starting over is about giving ourselves a chance at real happiness. We will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can this be? At the very worst, we will acquire the skills needed to start on the next project.

Mid-life doesn't have to be the big bump in the road everyone makes it out to be. Remember, once we honestly commit to the changes, we have already begun the process.

Don't fear new beginnings.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Daily Reading for April 24th - Allen James' "Daily Guide to Success" series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book", "Be dedicated to what you believe" (James, 2012)

First and foremost, we have to know WHAT we belief. As children we are influenced by a myriad of individuals and media: parents, siblings, friends, teachers, television, radio, movies, books; on and on the list could go. These influences on our fragile psyches have a major role in the forming of our belief systems. By the time we are ready to graduate from high school those beliefs which have been pushed onto us are ready to be tested so we can then determine OURSELVES which beliefs we will hold onto as we enter adulthood.

As a high school English teacher I had the responsibility of teaching 17 and 18 year old seniors how to express themselves through the critical writing of essays and analyses of works of literature. Topics such as jealousy, hate, prejudice, greed, love, compassion were addressed throughout their senior year. I became apt at stepping onto my "soap box" about how they were now young adults; expression of opinions and views were now their own, not those of their parents or grandparents. It was my duty to teach not only the subject matter, but as well about values and character.

Know what you believe, then stand by what you believe. Be dedicated to defending your beliefs...

One of the definitions for dedication reads: "self sacrificing devotion" (www.merriam-webster.com). In order to gain personal success in life we must be dedicated. Some are dedicated to being mediocre and not taking risks. I recall a patient I had early in my work as a psychotherapist who would often preoccupy herself with other people’s agendas and dreams. She didn’t think her dreams were attainable. She didn’t think she was worthy of accomplishing her goals, if she even had any. She would bring list after list, binder after binder of unfinished projects to session and show me how she was great at coming up with ideas, but she could just never follow through. It was easy for her to blame other people or a lack of compensation, but the true culprit was herself. She was at complete fault. Why, you may ask? Because she was not dedicated to what she thought she wanted from her life.

Dream dreams, then devote yourself to those dreams. Be dedicated to what you believe.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Our reading for April 23rd comes from our featured Calendar Book for 2014, "The Journey: A Calendar Book"... "Lie in bed with the window open and recall childhood".

The past has a direct effect on the present just as the present affects the future tremendously. Our current feelings, personality traits and behaviors were shaped by past events.

Every experience we have been through as a child dramatically impacts our life, even ones which might seem irrelevant or unimportant.

Our past is currently affecting our present and it will keep affecting the future. The key to experiencing a positive "now" is to become aware of the connection between the past and future?

The earliest of childhood memories are the source from which we first begin to form beliefs about the world. The question is, how can this past event affect our lives later past adolescence.

Thus events at any given point in our lives can be catalysts for positivity today. Twenty-six years ago my life was very different; I was a newlywed starting a new career in a strange place. I fondly recall lying in bed in the upstairs bedroom of our first "rental" home with the window open beside my new bride. As we listened to the quietness of the night we shared remembrances of our childhoods when we would spend the night with our grandparent/grandparents and lie by the open window doing just as we were then; appreciating the stillness.

This memory from those 28 years long ago as a totally different individual still affects me today. It helps me be able to critically evaluate myself and draw positivity from events which otherwise would seem not so positive. I am a better individual due to this and similar events in my past.

Allow yourself to recollect in the stillness. Allow yourself to take from your past those things which brought you joy. These "special" memories can still bring you joy in the "here and now".

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - My Story

Today's reading, April 22nd, is the story of "my mentor". I hope this motivates you to sit down and write your own personal story of "your mentor" and post or message it to me when you have it completed. (I got warm and fuzzy feelings when I wrote mine. Does a body good.)

“I think I can climb up the mountain. I think I can. I think I can.” Then the Little Blue Engine began to pull. She tugged and she pulled. She pulled and she tugged. Puff puff, chug chug
went the little engine. “I think I can. I think I can,” she said. Slowly, slowly, the train started
to move…Puff Puff, chug chug. Up the mountain went the Little Blue Engine. And all the time she kept saying, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... But as she puffed down the mountain, the
Little Blue Engine seemed to say...”I thought I could, I thought I could, I thought I could, I
thought I could” (Piper, 1930).

Thus began my journey to personal success. The year was 1967 and I was a 1st grader at Dawson Springs Elementary School in Dawson Springs Kentucky. Without 342 television stations, mp3 players, Sesame Street, GameBoys, and the like, we children of the era weren’t expected to be able to read at a 12th grade level in 1st grade, let alone know our ABCs, tie our shoes, or be able to count to 100. We had spent the previous 6 years learning how to get along well with others and just having fun being children.

I hadn’t got nice Mrs. Tandy for first grade, instead I ended up with mean-o Mrs. Morrow! All I had heard about her from other kids was how mean she was. I knew from day one it wasn’t going to be a good year. Mrs. Tandy was so pretty, and everyone said how easy she was to get along with. She even looked like all the other moms around town, not at all like the teacher from hell Mrs. Morrow had been made out to be; which in the end turned out to be the total opposite from the kind of teacher she was to me.

Maybe Mrs. Morrow was just upholding the wizened advice I would receive from college education professors 25 years later, teachers “don’t smile until after Christmas break”; for it wasn’t long after the snows had departed the hills of the Western Kentucky strip mines Mrs. Morrow became the grandmother figure every child in 1968 America had at home ready to offer a cheerful shoulder on which to cry.

But I still was having difficulty with printing my alphabet. I was a left-hander, not something admired in a child of the time (I had 4 brothers and two sisters; every other one of us was a left-hander). Everyone knew left-handers weren’t as smart and couldn’t do ANYTHING nearly as good as a right-hander. I had even heard stories of my oldest sister, Sandra, being “forced” by her teachers to use her right hand with which to write. I was scared to death I too would be held hostage in the ancient, dark, bleak, brick building which housed Dawson Springs Elementary School down in the musty, grey, boiler room where coal was shoveled into a furnace to keep us children warm. I struggled every day getting my hand to hold the big, bulky green pencil correctly in my left hand. It just didn’t fit, and those letters turned out all smudgy from my hand dragging across the lead covered page behind what I was able to get printed.

Then one day in March, not long after I turned 7 years old, it all changed. Maybe it was due to my becoming so grown-up things turned around; but one thing I know for sure; if it wasn’t for Mrs. Morrow I very likely would not be writing these words today. It was after lunch (we walked home for lunch in those days. Our backyard butted up against the Renshaw’s house which sat at the end of School Street only a block from the school.) My belly full of more than likely a grilled cheese sandwich and bowl of tomato soup, I didn’t want to do Handwriting; I wanted to take a nap. Only last year we got to take naps on those pallets we brought from home. Why did growing up have to mean taking away naps? But handwriting was waiting, and so was Mrs. Morrow, stern today, standing at the front of the class with chalk in one hand, black eraser in other, those squinting eyes behind cat-eye glasses, scouring the classroom for her first victim to go to the blackboard and print the word of the day, “S E E J A C K R U N. S E E J A N E R U N. S E E S P O T R U N”. I hated Ss too; made me think of snakes and I hated snakes more than I hated Ss. As she scanned the room, I slumped in my seat. Don’t let it be me. Don’t let it be me. Then her voice echoed through the room, “Ricky, would you come to the board please?” Yes! I was safe for the day. (Ricky always got picked for everything. He was the smartest 1st grader in the world).

Following the nearly perfect printing of “S E E J A C K R U N. S E E J A N E R U N. S E E S P O T R U N” in stark white against the harsh black of the chalkboard we children were set to the task of filling one Big Chief writing table page with 10 sentences of “S E E J A C K R U N. S E E J A N E R U N. S E E S P O T R U N”. NO WAY! There was absolutely no way at all I would get through this assignment. I just knew it. It took me 4 hours at home to get just 3 lines of J I M M Y H A R R Y M A N printed, and those Ss. NO WAY!

I leaned over my red and silver tablet, refusing to open the cover to the lined pages. “I can’t. I know I can’t. No way. I can’t. I just know I can’t’, I murmured under my breath. It wasn’t long until the familiar odor of “old lady” wafted into my nostrils. There was no doubt. I knew I’d been snitched on by Jamie Dutton. He was always telling on me, while all the while looking so innocent of any misdeed.

Mrs. Morrow squatted down, modestly pulling her plaid, blue dress under her, all the while her black, patent leather black high heels staying in place beneath her. “Jimmy. Yes you can. I know you can. With a little more effort I just know you can. Remember the story we read before Christmas break of the ‘“Little Engine that Could”’? He just kept saying “’I think I can. I think I can”’ and he did.”

Yep, this was the day which changed my life forever. From then forward I never looked back. My mind was set. Never, and I mean never again would I think I couldn’t accomplish anything asked of me. Hearing those four simple words, I think I can, and seeing myself as the Big Blue Engine, powerful, strong, and determined to get to her destination, I realized we each have it within ourselves to do whatever we sit our minds to. Mrs. Morrow, my mentor, who never knew the impact she had, will never be forgotten, for this 1961 1st grader will never let her story go untold.

Allen James
(Jimmy Harryman)

 Keep looking up.  :)  AJ