Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

Our reading for April 25th....from Allen James' Calendar Books:

"Don't fear new beginnings" (James, 2012).

Here it is nearly the middle of 2014. It really is surreal how quickly time seems to pass once we begin our busy lives after we've grown beyond our "youth"; carefree days and nights, sleeping in till noon, having the stamina to keep keeping on even when we've only had 2 hours of sleep. But things change, and they change drastically once we hit 30.

Years ago I bought the book, "Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life" (Sheehy, 1974) for a seminar I had attended entitled, "Counseling Men through Middle Age: Mid-life Crises or Just Down Right Dumb". My eyes were opened to the cycles we all encounter as we breeze through life. As I learned how to counsel individuals through various "mid-life crises", my preconceived ideas were uprooted as I found out men really do experience a chemical and physiological "change" (much like the experience of menopause for women) called andropause, or viropause.

It is during these adult "passages" we have the opportunity to begin anew, making changes in our lives which will bring us to a refreshed understanding of what comes next as we transition through a new passage.

Note these times of renewed "beginnings" are nothing like making a resolution, which most of us aren't great at keeping; I was never a big believer in New Year's resolutions for this very fact. As we look approach these forks in the roads on our paths to personal success and begin anew, there are some tools which make starting over a little easier:

1. Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning. This mindset is helpful because it keeps us from wasting our time being too difficult on ourselves.

2. Moving through life is like climbing stairs; we go up a level and then we level off. Nothing is ever a straight shot. We must have some patience with ourselves and with our new found direction.

3. This new beginning we're making is yet another "first" in our lives. It could also be a new life if we approach it in the correct way. Sometimes little ideas can turn into big things.

4. Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even though we may feel what we're leaving behind was the best time in our life so far, the years ahead might just leave it in the dust. This is also true if  what we're leaving behind seemed to be the worst part of our life so far. Maybe we just went through the largest crisis thus far in our life. Search out someone to talk with, preferably an experienced professional who comes highly recommended.

5. Starting over may feel scary, but it's really a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of our anxious feelings will begin to fade.

6. Remember our future is not governed by our past. No matter what has happened in our life, we can find a way to make things a little better for ourselves, and hopefully for those around us as well.

7. Having to start over is different from choosing to start over. For those whose lives are still in chaos because of man made and natural disasters, starting over is not a choice. Giving support to those in need and being able to accept it when necessary are great qualities.

8. Healthy alternatives to negative lifestyle patterns abound. We will want to take baby steps if we don't feel comfortable making all our changes at one time. If we it seems too difficult to stop a bad habit, start by cutting back. It's okay to give ourselves a little time to moderate or stop something which is affecting us adversely.

9. It's not all about joining a gym to get fit. What about taking a dance class to get in shape and have fun at the same time? Although this wasn't something I ever thought I'd do, a good friend talked me into being her partner in a ballroom dancing class many years ago.  It was a blast (and guys, it helps with the ladies every time). Starting over can mean chasing our dreams. We're happiest when we're moving toward a goal.

10. Starting over is about giving ourselves a chance at real happiness. We will have to be brave and get good at learning new things, but how bad can this be? At the very worst, we will acquire the skills needed to start on the next project.

Mid-life doesn't have to be the big bump in the road everyone makes it out to be. Remember, once we honestly commit to the changes, we have already begun the process.

Don't fear new beginnings.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ