Calendar Books by Allen James reading for April 14th is taken from our featured calendar book for 2013...."The Journey: A Calendar Book"....
(remember, you can get a signed copy of "The Journey a Calendar Book by sending your check to Jim Harryman, 518 Rand Avenue, Perryville, MO 63775. Make sure your mailing address is on your check or envelope. To date we have sent out 108 signed copies...message me your picture holding your Allen James Calendar Book to be posted here and receive a promotional gift of either a Calendar Books by Allen James tee-shirt, coffee cup, book tote or coming soon, Calendar Books by Allen James exclusively scented to enhance your reading experience, promotional 2 ounce Coldwater Candles creation just for Allen James Calendar Books provided by SHINE in Fredericktown, Missouri).
Now...our reading..."Spend time with your nieces and nephews".
When I was 12 I was blessed with my first niece, Karen Harryman. Being the youngest of our clan up to this point one would expect issues to present themselves with a first grandchild for my parents to make over...but this wasn't the case. I was thrilled to have a new playmate younger than I (Not to complain, but (my 5 of my siblings were too much older than I to include me in their social activities, and there were only 357 days between my brother Wendel and I, thus I had "intruded" on his territory when I came along...he'd rather socialize with "his age" friends).
Karen and I became close friends, and even though her life has taken her miles away, we remain close despite not "seeing" each other often. Four years later Rachael came along...Lela, Joe Jr, Joni Lea, Matthew, Brittany, Alisha, Anna, Cyndi, KC, Joey, Collin; as our family grew my destiny was secured of being Uncle Jimmy, a position I cherish although I don't get to spend near enough time with those special guys and gals who hold a special place in my life.
What role exactly do aunts and uncles play in the lives of their many times but not always, younger extended family members?
One very important role we play is the role of "role model", which we've addressed in earlier readings. If you recall, a role model is someone who influences our behavior just by us observing how they act. Aunts and uncles can influence their nieces and nephews just by what they do, without saying a word. Aunts can also show their nieces an example of what they may want to be. They can give examples of the roles of a career woman, a wife, a mom, and a productive citizen of society. If an aunt leads a different lifestyle than the child's mom, it can give the niece an alternate example of what she wants to do with her life (foreverfamilies.byu.edu, 2013).
One way uncles can be a good role model is to show good examples of a masculine role (Milardo, 2010). They can teach their nephews it is important to be kind to women and to help others. This can be particularly helpful if these children do not have a positive male figure in their home. It will benefit them to have a trusted adult to guide them rather than looking to their friends and the media.
We can as well be their friend. As aunts and uncles do not have the responsibility of parenting, they can also be more of a friend with their nieces and nephews. An important quality many nieces and nephews name in their parents' siblings is their ability to have fun. This friendship allows the aunts and nieces (or uncles and nephews) to be involved in common activities they enjoy, such as sports or shopping (2013). Aunts can help foster enthusiasm in their favorite activities by sharing these interests with their nieces, which will help them to bond over those common interests. One important distinction between acting more like a parent and acting more like a friend is often reciprocity. Friends are more likely to give back to their friends with emotional support, advice, or suggestions. Milardo found that if you have this kind of relationship with your niece or nephew, they may be supporting you as you support them (2013).
Sometimes aunts and uncles are placed in the position of supplemental parents. Aunts and uncles can be complementary to their siblings by providing additional support, to fill the needs the parents are unable to take care of themselves. This can include providing another supportive adult they can go to, to do their hair before a school dance, or by helping to drive them to all the places they need to go. Uncles and aunts can also reinforce the ideas parents are trying to teach, such as the importance of education or being kind to your siblings. Aunts and moms can collaborate on good parenting ideas for the child, and discuss parenting methods (Milardo, 2010). Through the aunt's unique relationship with her niece, she may have additional ideas for parenting to add to the mom's ideas.
We also act as buffers between parents and children. Aunts and uncles can also act as intergenerational buffers. This means they can help mediate the relationship between parent and child. Instead of siding with one or the other, uncles and aunts can help each family member to try and see the other's side of the argument (Milardo, 2010). Of course, you do not want to be constantly in the middle of their fights, but you can help soothe tensions which may exist between them.
There are also many other roles that you can take on; being a good listener, giving advice, providing unconditional support, or telling your nieces and nephews of their family history (foreverfamilies, 2013, Milardo, 2010). It's easy to get overwhelmed and to think there may be no way you can do all of these roles. The nice thing about being an aunt or uncle is; none of these roles are required; you can determine what you want to do. If you don't want to get in the middle of parents and children fighting, don't. If you want to play tennis with your niece, do! We can choose what roles and activities we have time for and are willing to do. Only we can determine what will be good for the relationship we share with these special family members.
A shout out to Karen, Rachael, Lela, Joe Jr, Joni Lea, Matthew, Brittany, Alisha, Anna, Cyndi, KC, Joey, Collin, and any others I may not be aware of, Uncle Jimmy loves you...as the years progress, seek me out...our relationship is vital to extending family connection as well as preserving the history of the Harryman/Williams' past.
Spend time with your nieces and nephews. You, and they, will be more complete individuals when you do, blessing the lives of each other.
Keep looking up. : ) AJ
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