Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for June 28th is from "The Journey: A Calendar Book", and reads...

"Remember, we all need our personal space". 

Proxemics is defined as: "The study of the cultural, behavioral, and sociological aspects of spatial distances between individuals" (Wood, 2012). Included within this study is a discussion about personal space and the role which varying cultures tolerate or allow distance to play in nonverbal communication; and like every other aspect of our world, individuals differ in their level of tolerance/allowance of their personal space as well.

This is an important bit of information to be aware of in your journey to personal success. Others may or may not let you know if you're "in their space". Discomfort while communicating can "turn off" those with whom a message is being conveyed. A few years ago I was working with a group of students on resume writing. Having established a positive rapport I was making great progress in getting what needed to be covered, covered within the time I had. Another instructor came in and walked around the room to assist. As I came up to "Trina" (name has been changed to protect the innocent) she was visibly upset. The other teacher had come over to help her and placed a hand on her shoulder and asked if she needed assistance. "Trina" was one of those individuals who doesn't like to be touched. Her personal space had been invaded and anxiety overwhelmed her.

We can't always know what others' foibles are. This is yet another reason it is so important to take the time to really get to know those who are parts of our worlds. When we take the time to do so, and allow others to know the same about us, we open the lines of communication to a point of clarity, thus messages, verbal or nonverbal, are clearly understood.

Remember, we all need our personal space. 

Keep looking up. AJ



Calendar Books by Allen James post for June 27th from our featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book", reads..."Have a firm handshake".

There are many attributes to WHO we are and HOW we are which contribute to personal success...but one of the most impressionable to others is our handshake upon first meeting.

Whether you're a skilled communicator or not, when you first come in contact with someone and extend your hand, there's nothing more reflective of the other person than their handshake; a cool, "dead fish" handshake indicates a far different message regarding the one issuing it than the opposite of a firm, warm grip.

It's always entertaining to the high school seniors with whom I work when I'm teaching employment skills and we get to the discussion regarding our handshakes. I go from student to student extending my hand and first go around the classroom providing the cool, "dead fish" handshake, then return a second time with the firm, warm grip (Students aren't use to an adult being "hands on" these days; they don't know how to respond). Yes, entertained, but they get the message in a big way.

A recent study from an American university showed a firm handshake matters greatly when it comes to impressing a potential employer at an interview.

Even though you may look like a million dollars and know the boss’s fish is NEMO, a limp, ‘wet fish’ handshake could undermine all your hard earned research.

The study was comprised of 98 undergraduates who took part in mock interviews with businesses; they were graded on their overall performance, then given a handshake rating based on grip, strength, duration, vigor and eye contact.

Professor Greg Stewart, from the University of Iowa, who led the study, reported those who scored highly with the handshake raters were also considered the most hirable by the interviewers.

Unsurprisingly, those who didn’t impress were the students with the limp handshakes who were perceived as timid and having less than gregarious personalities.

Professor Stewart said: “We’ve always heard that interviewers make up their mind about a person in the first two or three minutes of an interview.

“But we found that the first impression begins with a handshake and that sets the tone for the rest of the interview.

“We don’t consciously remember a person’s handshake but it is one of the first non-verbal clues we get about the person’s overall personality, and that impression is what we remember.”

The raters shook hands while greeting each participant, either before or after the interview, so both interviewees and interviewers were unaware that handshakes were being evaluated.

A firm handshake is just one important element of non-verbal communication which affects personal success in a very big way. 

Have a firm handshake and take one more step toward personal success.

Keep looking up. AJ


Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 26th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book", 

"Enjoy a good meal".

Now I know upon first reading today's posting there may be a resounding, "HUH?" But again, it's another of those "obvious" which is taken for granted. I'm not just saying, "Enjoy a good meal"...I'm saying, "ENJOY a good meal". This consists of much more than just having your favorite foods.

Long gone are the days of sitting around the family dinner table sharing a meal. Since the arrival of the TV dinner in the early 1950s, the migration from the dining room to the TV trays in the living room/den was inevitable. Along with the loss of the family meals as well went the gathering together of the family to share their days and connect with one another.

Enjoying a "good meal" means not only savoring the flavor and healthfulness of the foods we eat, but also savoring the time of relaxation which comes with the "good meal". 

Family meal times teach proper manners, social skills, communication skills while strengthening relationships between parents/children and siblings; and also allow for the appropriate digestion of foods.

A "good meal" is much more than a stop for fast food on the go. A "good meal" is much more than satisfying our need for nutrition. A "good meal" is something in today's world which comes much too seldom but is much too needed.

Enjoy a good meal....REALLY enjoy a good meal, and find out what you're missing out on. Then you'll question less, "What ever happened to the American family". 

Keep looking up. AJ





Our posting for June 25th from Calendar Books by Allen James is interestingly enough, a quote from the father of the modern "power of positive thinking" movement (no...not Norman Vincent Peale) and author of "As a Man Thinketh", James Allen:

"You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." 
--- James Allen

People often say to me, "What is it about your life that keeps you so upbeat all the time?" Or I'm asked, "What is it you are doing different than me?" Consider for a moment the following scenario:

You and your buddy down the street have gone to all the same seminars, attended the same workshops, learned the same techniques and formulae for personal success. Yet, he appears to be happier, more fulfilled, living personal successes every day. 

Most times, the difference isn't in what he's doing, but in the person performing them. 

Your friend down the street already knows the secret to practice and personal success. What’s your buddy's secret? Is he smarter than you? NO. Is he a better person than you? NO. Did he go to a better school than you? Most likely not—he’s just learned how to harness his personal power to allow him to become the successful, self-empowered person he is. He’s learned how to create his own breakthroughs, to allow him to move beyond his fears and limiting beliefs. He is accomplishing goals and realizing his true desires, turning dreams into reality, creating fulfilling relationships, and modeling the strategies of peak performers to produce a quantum difference in his life. 

“Just what does it take to get ahead these days? Why can’t I get motivated? Why aren't my personal life and career turning out the way I want?” 

So, what gives? Who succeeds and why? What does it take to become the best version of yourself possible? Is it the quality of the school you attended? Is it that grade you got on your licensing exam? The number of letters after your name? Sometimes. 

Many of us know stories about people who were at the top of their class, yet, somehow, never achieved success. In other instances, there are those who got mediocre grades, or didn’t go to the top schools, who become leaders in their chosen fields. It got me thinking: 

While, arguably, some people experience a better all around educational experience, the bottom line is, YOU are ultimately responsible for your success or failure, both in business and in real life. It’s all about what YOU create. That’s why there is a discrepancy between being at the top of your class and your level of success /failure/mediocrity in the real world! 

Many times, we may find ourselves on the wrong road in life’s journey and not know how we got there. We may have no clue as to how to get the things we want and need for a fulfilling life. We feel stuck. 

What if you could create the life style you've always dreamed of? What if you could do it in a low stress environment? What if you could find the perfect balance between your personal and professional life? 

What would your life look like if there were no rules and you couldn't fail?

The way you interpret your life experience creates your identity.

“It's been said, all is an illusion. That's an insufficient distinction; more accurately, it's all a perception. “ 
--- Eldon Taylor

From the time you were born, you've received both positive and negative messages from your surroundings. Throughout my life, my mother told a story about how when she was a little girl she was kidnapped for a day as ransom for her father's gambling debts. For years I had an unfounded fear of being grabbed on the streets and taken captive; my subconscious mind would run the tape of my mother's story.

Mom’s words had become my reality.

All those messages, indelibly programmed into your subconscious combine to create your belief system. They become the filters through which we create our reality…our self-image, acting on them as if they’re true. While they don’t change the world around us, they filter our life experience until we believe them to be true. 

You become the person you think you are. If you think you’re someone who will never amount to anything… guess what? You’re correct. 

Rethink the thoughts which started your day. If you need to, reword and restate the inner conversation which you internalize as you go about your "living". We have no one to blame but ourselves for the outcome of each moment.

Keep looking up. AJ