Daily Readings - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 24th is taken from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"...

"Take a self-defense class".

Self-defense is the use of force to defend oneself when under attack. This might be a physical attack or mental attack. Whichever, we should be well able to defend ourselves and have confidence in our ability to do so.

Given the ultra-modern world in which we live, we never are sure of what might be around the next corner. Being prepared, but not paranoid, is a good rule of thumb. Having some training in self-defense is just good sense.

Over the past few decades martial arts and other physical form of self defense have become ideal self-defense tactics; effective because only the body and mind are requirements for use. They not only protect lives, but also promote beneficial effects for both mind and body.

In addition to martial arts there are also hand-held electrocuting devices, flammable paraphernalia, or even body spray will do the trick.

Other than the actual self-defense, it is also important to use your head; common sense. Don’t take routes which seclude you; such as passing through dark alleys. These kinds of decisions only increase the risk of attack.

There are countless other ways we can protect ourselves. Regardless, knowing how to defend yourself in the event you are faced with a need to do so is more and more necessary in the 21st century; and the most effective form is learning martial arts. You can achieve this through enrolling in martial clinic or class near you or you can surf the net and find video or reading materials which will help you learn effective self defense.

We don't have to be a boy scout to utilize the boy scout motto; be prepared.

Keep looking up. AJ


Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 23rd. ...from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....

"Go by where Grandma used to live ever so. often and recall".

For a majority of us who are "middle aged", who we are can be attributed to the "old country", as a co-worker says, values instilled in us through the examples reflected in our grandparents while visiting "the old homeplace".

Although each of our experiences with our grandparents are varied, just as the names we called them (Mamaw, Papaw; Memaw, Granddaddy; Memmie, Poppaw), the lessons learned and the values which make up who we are can not be what they are without the mixture of those modeled by
our family elders.

The afternoons of swinging on Mamaw's front porch, walks to the outhouse in the dark of night, hours of Hide-n-seek on Saturday visits, or just the quiet evenings sitting in her lap by the old coal stove embraced by her time worn arms; we were more aware in those moments than we knew.

Grandparents are different now; younger it seems, active and healthy, thank goodness. However, children still learn much from their family elders; this never changes.

Going by where Mamaw used to live ever so often, even though the house is no longer standing, I am reminded of the love and care which I received on that spot; and the smells, sounds, tastes, and yes, even the sights of my childhood come rushing back to urge me to always remember.....

Take the trip....go by where your grandparents used to live and recall.....you'll be glad you did.

And as always...keep looking up. AJ





Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 22nd,

"Success is not the result of spontanious combustion, you must set yourself on fire" (Reggie Leach)


Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 20th comes from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"...

"When in a disagreement, speak in the first person. This let's them know you have feelings too" (It also keeps you from placing blame on "them").

First person: I
Second person: You
Third person: They

Akin to the well-known statement, "When you point the finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at you", taking this principle throughout your communication in general can make the difference between "hurting feelings" and "owning feelings".

Through the years I've conducted many parenting classes utilizing the "Systematic Training for Effective Parenting" (STEP) program. This cost effective, research proven program gets results when rearing children, but many of its principles are just as legitimate when interacting with adults.

Through the use of "I" statements in lieu of "YOU" statements not only assists others in realizing you have feelings as well as they, it as well assist others in realizing you validate THEIR feelings as well, and take responsibility for YOUR emotions and role in a disagreement.

Consider the following dialog:

Scott: "You make me feel like a monster when you are always saying I'm cold-hearted."

Patricia: "Well you are cold-hearted. You never consider my feelings. You are always thinking of yourself. It's always about you".

Scott: "You're the one who always has to have your way".

Patricia: "How can you say that? You're so mean."

Clearly a heated exchange such as this is going to get nowhere fast in assuaging the concern Scott and Patricia have. Such use of "YOU" statements is an attempt to place blame on others and blocks any progress the two may make in resolving the REAL issues the two SHARE.

Now consider the use of "I" statements in the same scenario:

Scott: "I feel like such a monster when I hear you say I'm cold-hearted."

Patricia: "Scott...a monster? Really? That's not my intention. Not a monster."

Scott: Patricia, when I hear statements such as, 'Why can't I have a say so', I feel as if I'm not being listened to. I want us both to have a say so in all our decisions".

Patricia: "That's so good to hear. I just don't always feel included in our decisions."

Scott: "I going to work on making sure it's not always about me. Patricia, I love our relationship and want it to beat the odds."

Patricia: "I love you to Scott. Let's always work as a team."

There's no doubt this second dialog will get Scott and Patricia farther in understanding each other more clearly. Neither are placing blame, instead both are acknowledging their own feelings which clarifies to the other how the situation appears to them.

One of my pet peeves, which we hear daily, is our habitual phrase, "You made me feel..." or "He/she makes me feel...". When I hear this, (and while "I" truly attempt NOT to say it...it's not always easy) my response is always, "No one can MAKE you feel anything. We choose our emotional responses just as we choose our physical responses".

Once again, it's all about choices. Let's choose to be more aware of how we interact when in a heated discussion, argument, disagreement. Choosing our words wisely can make our worlds more positive and make our journey to personal success a more enjoyable ride.

Keep looking up. AJ





I love today's posting for Calendar Books by Allen James reading for June 18th from, "The Journey: A Calendar Book". Too many times we don't realize the effect such a small act can have on those with whom we interact;

"When working with children, squat down to their level to communicate".

So much can be gained from today's reading, not only in dealing with children, but in interacting with adults as well. Sadly we don't learn this lesson until much later in life in most cases, unless you go through an early childhood or elementary education program in college. I was well into my 30s and working with children in my private counseling practice and learned through experience. Children responded better to my when I would squat down and face them eye to eye or get in the floor and become as they, literally on their level.

Just imagine how terrifying it must be to a child when they are approached by adults; larger than life itself individuals walking toward them, looking "down" at them with nostrils flaring, hands reading "down" to them as if tentacles grabbing at them.

Meeting children, as well as adults, a eye contact sends the following messages:

I am listening to you
I care about what you are saying
You matter to me
I hear what you are telling me
You have my attention
I respect you
Nothing else is more important than this moment, right now

When we rear children who are allowed to be seen and heard they grow into adults who value others. It's this simple.

Every person wants to know their opinions, needs and feelings are going to be validated.

Children and adults alike want and need validation. This simple, effective method is free but the results are priceless.

Keep looking up. AJ