Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

October 27th, from The Journey: A Calendar Book, we read,

"Don't mimic others, be the one they mimic" (James, 2012).

"I want to be just like you when I grow up."  How many times have we said this very thing while growing up when we saw attributes in someone whom we respected, or possibly others have said this very thing to us.  Although it's a great compliment to have someone wish to emulate us due to our actions or character, it's a far greater compliment to be who we are and hope others appreciate our character or actions in such a way which encourages them to desire to be more like us.

Today's reading is one of my favorites of all calendar book readings.  Don't mimic others, be the one they mimic.  Be one of such character which is respected by those with whom we come into contact we serve as a mentor figure to them. 

When I was in college I was good friends with this guy who had a magnetic personality;  I still keep in contact with him to this day.  He’s a good friend of mine.  He possessed the type of personality which attracted people everywhere he went, like white on rice, as they say.  I was always amazed  how easily he started conversations with unfamiliar people about everyday topics, and within minutes, was joking and chatting with them like they were old friends.  I was just a freshman in college, and although I was never known to be the shy type, I many times envied my friend’s ability to be so free from self-consciousness and wanted very much to be like him.  I began to watch him closely (without being the "stalker" type) to try to figure out what it was he possessed which  made him so irresistible to other people.

Why is it  some people just seem to attract others?  What are they doing different than everyone else?  Is it something we're born with, or can this ability be learned?  I believe anyone can become this type of attractive individual by working on two main personality attributes:  confidence and empathy.

The first is confidence.  There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance.  The difference, I think, is arrogance tries to impress others, while confidence doesn’t worry about whether others are impressed or not.  You have to be comfortable in your own skin to be confident.

In college, I wasn’t quite there yet.  The reason I didn’t initiate conversations with people I didn’t know was because I didn’t think they’d be interested in talking to me.  Even though I had a broad range of interests, I thought I wouldn’t have anything interesting to say to someone, and any conversation I tried to start would become awkward and strained.  So, I just avoided the situation by hanging out with people like my friend, who took care of the conversational heavy lifting for me.  I could chime in occasionally without being forced to carry the conversation myself.

I started to understand more and more, everyone feels this way (at least a little bit), due to the fact we project our self-image onto other people.  We assume  what we perceive as faults in our makeup are readily evident to everyone we meet.  What I came to realize and believe is everyone feels this way to some extent or another.  And, the person you’d like to talk to, but can’t because you’re too shy?  They have the same types of hang-ups you do.  They’re most likely so obsessed with their own shortcomings there’s no way they have the time or attention to pick up on yours.

What separated my friend, and other people with supreme self-confidence, from people like me was the fact they knew this secret.  They knew the other person was most likely focused on themselves, so there was no reason to worry about their own shortcomings.  This gave them the freedom to display the second characteristic so important to building relationships.

The second trait is empathy.  If, like I said previously, most everyone feels a little self-conscious around other people, then it’s helpful to be able to get them past feeling.  You want other people to feel comfortable around you.  In order to do so, you have to understand these subconscious hang-ups people have and work around them to draw the other person out.  Make them feel at ease in your presence by finding common interests, or find something they can speak intelligently on.  If you can master the art of helping other people look and feel like experts on something when they’re around you, you’ll never be short of friends.  People like to feel like they’re adding to the conversation.  Here’s a hint:  if you’re having trouble finding something to talk about, ask questions about them.  Everyone’s an expert on themselves. :)

So, confidence and empathy.  It sounds more intimidating than it is, but I understand it’s tough sometimes to take that first step, especially if you’re not used to doing it.  Begin to make a habit of talking to people everywhere you go.  If you’re at the grocery store, talk to the person in front of you in the checkout line.  In the doctor’s office, talk to people waiting around.  The only way you’ll condition yourself to talk to people and get over your fear of it is to do it frequently.  By the time you’ve gotten over the fear, it’ll be a habit, and good habits are difficult to break.
Don't mimic others, be the one they mimic, and keep looking up.  :)  AJ