Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

April 5th reading from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success", "Forgive and forget".

As an adult it seems forgetting many things from my past comes very easy. If only it were as simple to "forget" about events which caused sadness and negativity years past. Cultivating strong relationships demands forgiving and forgetting experiences with others which, when looking at the "big picture", are insignificant.

Why do we hold on to such small things which we know are only going to fester, grow, and create distance between others and ourselves? If someone "does us wrong" and we become angry; we’re not just angry, before they turn away to walk away, the wheels are already turning in our minds to come up with a way to get even. Most of the time we can’t wait to "show them".

No one win in situations such as this. The best we can feel
while participating in a continuing cycle of payback is a
brief touch of self-satisfaction, but nothing positive comes from it. To experience any of the strongly positive emotions we much forgive.

What does it mean to forgive? We usually think of
forgiveness as a generous act which pardons another person
for wrongdoing. In this context, forgiveness is directed
toward another, as in "I forgive you for saying hurtful
things to me yesterday." The forgiver then feels magnanimous
having granted a pardon to the sinner. Often we forgive only
after the sinner has contritely apologized; sometimes we
forgive expecting the apology.

However, one meaning of forgive is to give up resentment or
claim to retaliation. In this context, forgiveness is not
about another person-it’s about us. When I realize that I
feel better when I give up anger and vengeful thinking
toward another, it makes sense that forgiveness is something
I give to myself, not something I grant to another. What
better gift might I give myself than peace, calm, and
serenity? We cannot simultaneously feel anger and peace. We
cannot be serene while planning revenge.

This definition of forgiveness-to give up resentment-gives
meaning to "turn the other cheek" (www.merriam/webster.com) It’s not a passive acceptance of more wrongdoing, it’s a turning away from the event altogether. When we give up our resentment and anger, we withdraw energy from the event-without energy, every human act shrivels and dies. That’s the meaning of the
phrase, "what you resist, persists."

When we forgive a perceived wrongdoing by giving up
resentment and anger, we withdraw our energy from the past
event and preclude a continuing sequence of revenge,
retribution, payback, and reprisal-we literally starve the
process before it escalates.

Forgiveness is more than a magnanimous act of charity.
Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves-a gift of peace, calm,
and serenity. Forgive and forget allows us to move on to
activities with positive potential-activities with the
possibility of joy.

Forgive and forget. Keep looking up. : ) AJ