Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

 

Allen James' reading for August 26th, taken from The Journey: A Calendar Book, becomes an integral aspect of personal success in our world today;

"Care about your appearance" (James, 2012).

Francis Scott Fitzgerald, in his 1920s classic novel, The Great Gatsby, states through the character of Jay Gatsby, a "self-made" success, "Clothes make the man" (1926).  We certainly realize in today's world of Facebook "attire faux paus" posted daily from local Walmart stores the impression our appearance has on those around us and our own expression of personal success.  In addition, not only does what we wear affect our journey to personal success, but our personal hygiene as well.

Our guest blogger today is Chris MacLeod, a man in his early thirties from Canada. He started SucceedSocially.com in late 2006 and writes everything on it himself, doing his best to do all the other little tasks required to keep it running. In today's blog he covers his own experience of being socially awkward when he was younger, and then discusses his education, plus some other assorted thoughts.

Putting more thought into our appearance is one of the easiest ways to improve our social prospects and the way people see us. It falls under the broader category of non-verbal communication. Unless we're really likable as a person, many people will have a difficult time looking past a sloppy exterior. And why not live up to our appearance's full potential?

Most people are pretty superficial and mentally lazy when they size others up. When others look at us and we appear as if we have our act together, they can't help but assume we actually do have our act together. The opposite is true too, if we don't look "together", people will attribute all kinds of negative traits to us. But when we clean up our look, suddenly we don't seem so bad, and everyone is more willing to give us a chance, even though we're the same person deep down.

Today's blog makes reference to the kinds of good grooming and dressing which cuts across all social groups and identities. Sometimes certain ways of dressing or styling ourselves are central to a tribe we belong to. I'm not saying everyone has to adopt a standardized 'fashionable' uniform. I'm more talking about just looking the best we possibly can, whatever our scene is, and not selling ourselves short.

For some people improving their appearance can have a drastic effect on their social lives. As an example, several times I've heard anecdotes from people regarding the impact of losing a great amount of weight. Right or wrong, when they got in better shape everyone started treating them much, much better. They realized:

For years I couldn't seem to get anywhere with people, even though I considered myself someone who made an effort to be personable and friendly. I got pretty depressed and wondered what was wrong with me. Then I lost the weight, and it became clear that my only problem in the past was that I was fat, and people weren't giving me a chance because of it. Now they suddenly think I'm likable and worth knowing, even though I'm the same person.

I won't lie, stories like this can make one lose faith in our fellow man, but it does drive home how much outward appearances play a role in social situations.

The two levels of improving your look

When I talk about looking better, there are two degrees of this. The first is to just start looking half-decent and eliminate any blatant appearance-related mistakes. I'd have a difficult time arguing someone shouldn't at least do this. There aren't any downsides at all to it.

The second level would be to put the effort into becoming more fashionable than average. There are many benefits to doing this, but it takes more work. We have to learn about clothes and style, devote time to shopping, and possibly spend more money.

A few basic tips for guys on looking better:

Below I'll list some basic tips and things to avoid (geared towards guys, since I am one), but really, this almost isn't necessary. Once we start devoting even a little thought to our appearance, we'll very quickly notice and correct all these ourselves:

Basic grooming

It feels condescending to write these out, but I suppose I should anyway:

• Groom facial hair: Avoid the patchy beard, long black mustache hairs, or chin pube goatee. Pluck the uni-brow. Tame the eyebrows if they're really thick and bushy.
• Brush and floss teeth regularly.
• Always be conscious of halitosis (bad breath). I find using a tongue scraper after brushing my teeth works well.
• Wash hair regularly enough if doesn't look super greasy.
• Take care of skin.
• Trim fingernails and toenails on a regular basis, and clean the dirt out from under them.
• Always wear deodorant.
• Shower or bathe at least once a day.
• Pay attention to little details like keeping ears clean, or ear/nose hair trimmed, or not having a mole with a single distracting long hair growing out of it.

Basic dressing

Again, a list of stereotypical mistakes:

• Don't wear the same outfit two days or more in a row.
• Don't wear a similar, uninspired outfit every day (i.e., a dull black t-shirt with jeans.)
• Don't keep wearing clothes after they've become ratty or faded.
• Don't wear clothes which are overly wrinkled.
• Don't keep wearing an item if it has been dirtied or stained.
• Don't wear shirts too big and baggy, or too small and tight.
• Don't wear white socks with dark shoes and vice versa.
• Don't wear socks with sandals.

Basic Appearance

• Find a haircut which "fits. This might involve growing it out or cutting it much shorter. Good looking hair can be the cornerstone of an attractive appearance.
• If wearing glasses, consider getting contacts. They're not as expensive or high-maintenance as one may think. At the very least, make sure to get some stylish frames. Glasses suit some people, but just as many would be better off without them.
• Great teeth don't come natural to everyone, they can always be whitened or straightened. Of course, I realize this isn't something anyone can cheaply do in five minutes.
• Get in shape, this doesn't mean huge, shredded muscles. If someone is fit for their natural frame people subconsciously pick up on it and think they look better. Subtle differences in things like the size of chest muscles, the width of shoulders, or the V-shape in our torso show through. Don't think our only options are lifting weights or running on a treadmill either. There are a plethora of activities we can do which encourage fitness. Take up rock climbing, or kick boxing, or dancing, or Ultimate Frisbee. Pick something which is personally enjoyable and isn't an unnecessary hassle to take part in. If we truly don't like doing something, or it's just a pain, we'll quit before long.
• Tanning is controversial because of the increased risk of skin cancer, so it is a personal decision here whether to do it or not. I think the idea here is more about not looking so pale we glow in the dark, rather than trying to turn our skin a deep brown.

Some advice on getting better clothes

Having decent clothes is one of the biggest factors in looking better. It's also a bit more complicated than vowing to take good care of our skin. I clearly can not recommend specific styles, or stores, or labels. I'm not enough of a fashion maven to get away with doing this anyway. Here are just some more general pointers:

• For many people who are only semi-motivated, the most difficult part about getting new clothes is getting themselves out the door and to the store. After they've picked up some nice new outfits they're usually happy about it, but it seemed like such a hassle beforehand to take a few hours to go shopping.
• We may think we don't know much about fashion, but likely have an idea deep down about what looks good. A rigid self-image can make it a chore to admit to ourselves we can wear these attractive clothes ourselves.
• Go to a store which sells good clothes and start trying items on. We can use the staff's knowledge and style to our advantage by asking them to help pick out some good outfits (of course, we should trust our gut and not allow them to push or falsely flatter us into buying something we are not keen about).
• Don't judge anything until we've tried it on to see if it looks good on us. Many clothes look much better than we think from just seeing them hanging on the rack or sitting folded up on a table.
• Our self-image or a sense of discomfort with change may pop up here and make us think things like, "That's not me, I'm not the type of person who wears this stuff" in response to styles which truly would look good. We must try to ignore these thoughts and push out of our comfort zone. We may be surprised at how within a few days we are totally comfortable in outfits we initially dismissed as "not me".
• We may have some emotional baggage around certain styles, even though we think deep down they look good. If we don't like the people who wear certain styles (e.g., jocks, preps, hipsters) the idea of dressing like one of 'them' may seem traitorous.

There are two broad paths we can take when it comes to getting better clothes. One is to just dress like our peers (the ones who look good anyway). This is cheaper and easier. Clearly we are not being a one-of-a-kind trailblazer, but we will still come out looking better than before. The problem is, our clothes will go out of style sooner rather than later and we will have to get new ones.

The second option is to go to hip, higher-end stores and buy some slightly more unique items. This is more expensive and there is a higher risk we will accidentally buy something which isn't a good fit for our personality. On the upside, these clothes tend to just look better and attract more positive attention. They also exist outside of the short-lived trends more mainstream styles are subjected to, so it takes much longer before they're blatantly out of fashion.

• Like anything there's a learning curve involved in picking out our own clothes. We get better at it with practice. As such, I'd recommend not blowing too much money on the first few times out.
• Some people don't have a problem with paying more for what they feel are good clothes. However, it's totally understandable to be cautious. It's totally possible to look good and not kill our bank accounts. Some well-dressed guys take pride in the fact all their shirts cost less than $15.
• If in doubt lean, towards (relatively) plain and conservative clothes over flashier ones. Flashy clothes can backfire and make us look gaudy and like we're trying too much if we don't pull them off properly.
• Don't forget about accessories like a fun pair of sunglasses, a stylish watch, or a necklace. None of them have to be disgustingly expensive. As a general rule though, we want to lean towards wearing fewer accessories rather than overdoing it.
• Get some nice shoes. The standard advice for dressier shoes is to have a good pair each of black and brown ones.

Your external looks are influenced by your internal state

If we took two outwardly identical guys, but one was insecure and had quite a few other issues, and the other was self-assured, happy and confident, they would come across as quite different from each other. They would carry themselves differently and wear different expressions on their faces. One would literally be better looking than the other. As we invest in the inner "us", our outer appearance will benefit.

Care about your appearance on your road to personal success.  And again, keep looking up.  : )   AJ