Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Books"

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Our reading for August 7th directly coincides with yesterday's reading;

"Don't ignore others" (James, 2012).

I recall early in my higher education (I was a communication major, thus it was imminent I would learn about this author) hearing about Dale Carnegie and his book, which was published in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People.  It was everywhere during the 1970s and 1980s.  The book demystified the process of making friends out of strangers and provided rules for meeting new people by using the ATTENTION tools.
 
Not surprising, giving others attention, not ignoring them and their needs, was the keystone to his thesis.  Carnegie presented five simple attention giving attributes which we can use to be sincere in our giving others the attention they deserve, thus communicating better and having a better influence on others in our lives:

Smile:
A smile is a ticket for people’s heart. Smile – is a simple attention-giving tool to others. It is a simple, basic behavior, yet people just don’t think about it. People are more likely to warm up to someone with a broad smile on his face than they are to someone with an unhappy face or dour countenance.
Smiles can go a long way. Ron Gutman reviewed studies about smiling and found a smile can predict how long we will live. British researchers have found one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 chocolate bars. Smiling is also contagious, especially when combinedt with sincere attention.  Did you ever see these people at a conference or networking event walking around with an expression of anger/ scowl on their face? They are so busy with trying to network the room,  actually forgetting the basic rule of attentional networking – Smile.
 
Listen:
One of the most unappreciated attentional networking skills we can easily master is the ability to listen. For others to be serious about us, we must to do more listening and less talking. Good listening is active not passive. How many times do we walk away from a conversation with someone and can’t remember a word they’ve said? We're there in body but little more. It is easy to ‘zone out’ and drift into our own thoughts, particularly if we are busy, bored, can’t see the relevance or have made an assumption there is nothing to gain from the discussion.  In an interesting blog titled: “Key Networking Skills – Listening Skills” written by Opendoorz Professional Business Network the concept of “Engaged Attentional Listening” is discussed. Engaged Attentional listening is when we understand a conversation and could answer someone else’s questions about what they said, whether the person was there or not.  Fully engaged listening takes this to the highest level.  We not only hear and understand what has been said, but we have a sense of who the person is, their passions and experiences and what really makes them tick.  One of the most profound points Carnegie made in How to Win Friends and Influence People was people love to talk about themselves. If we can get people to discuss their experiences and opinions—and listen with sincere interest and give real attention—we can have a great conversation with someone without having to say much at all.

Ask a question:
Asking questions which give attention to the other person is an art. Ask the wrong questions and we can easily offend someone. But the reverse is also true; asking the correct questions can build trust by opening lines of safe communications. Keep questions positive and focused. Correct questions, those which give attention, can build credibility, and for the shy person, it's a much smarter and easier way to engage.

Mention People first name:
One of Carnegie’s basic principles which has the largest impact on others is to mention their name—a person’s name is the sweetest sound to their ears. Remember, a person’s name is to them the sweetest and most important sound in any language. We make a lasting impression, and it displays to them they have been given sincere attention, when we can recall someone’s name we previously met. 
Simply put, making the efforts to learn how to remember names and recall them is an important skill and goes a long way towards making interactions more memorable. Put some effort into this skill and improve the lasting impression you make in the eyes of others.

Become genuinely interested in other people:
The only connections which work will be the ones you truly care about. If a genuine interest in and a sincere attention is not given to others when they are attempting to connect, they stop trying. It is nearly impossible to genuinely offer help if  we don’t pay authentic attention — real attention, not just to what business or what the weather is like! Invest genuine time in learning what really matters to them. Learn about their backgrounds and passions.  Be genuinely helpful. It is surprising how the simplest things actually never get completed. Being authentic and sincere in the attention given to others isn’t as difficult as some think!

Don't ignore others, and keep looking up.  : )   AJ