Daily Reading - Memorial Weekend - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Thanks for your patience....I was enjoying the Memorial Day weekend so didn't post our readings. Here they are....following May 28th's reading... Keep looking up. :) AJ


Our reading for May 28th, again from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"...Feed your brain".

Too often we take our brain for granted. We rarely consider the power the muscle called the brain is.

Research shows the capacity of the average person’s brain far outweighs our use of for.

Neuroplasticity is an amazing new theory which has proven one very incredible fact: Our brains can change. What this means for us is if you’re not very intelligent in one area – don't fret! You have the option to literally change the area of your brain your not as strong is with just a bit of "brainercise"; our brain is a muscle – we need to give it a "work out" on a regular basis.

Here are 8 brainercises which can feed the brain and increase intelligence.

1. Be curious

Get into the habit of questioning everything. By being curious and questioning everything, we force our brain to create new ideas.

2. Exercise regularly

It’s been proven exercise helps to increase brain function and enhances neurogenesis. This means every time we exercise we are creating new brain cells!

3. Do something new

Experiencing something “new,” stimulates the brain, creating new neural pathways, increasing intelligence.

4. Train your memory

Discipline yourself to memorize, use the calculator in your head instead of your cell-phone.

5. Think positive

Stress and anxiety kill existing brain neurons and also stop new neurons from being created. Research has shown that positive thinking, especially in the future tense, speeds up the creation of cells and dramatically reduces stress and anxiety. Try and take control of negative thoughts, and make an effort to replace them with positive ones.

6. Eat healthy

Our diets have a HUGE impact on brain function. Our brains consume over 20 percent of all nutrients and oxygen that we consume. So, remember to feed your brain with the good stuff! (Think fresh fruits and veggies and plenty of omega 3s found in oily fish.)

7. Read a book

Reading relieves tension and stress (brain-cell killers), because it’s a form of escapism. Research has also shown using our imagination is a great way to train our brain, because we force our mind to picture what we are imagining. Reading is a great way to trigger our imagination and fuel our creative genius.(I've just started reading Dan Brown's, "Inferno".

8 Get the sleep you need

Sleep is when our body regenerates cells and removes all the toxins which have built up during the day. Get to bed between the hours of 9 pm and midnight to benefit from the most effective hours of sleep!

Notice how these "brainercises" run parallel with other daily thoughts.

Keep looking up....and "brainercise".... :) AJ


Today's Calendar Books by Allen James reading, May 25th, "Remember, you're responsible for your own actions, no one else's".

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 26th..."Take care of your body".

Enough said?

Keep looking up. AJ

May 27th thought from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"...."Be conscientious".

Personal success comes from our being conscientious...."careful.... meticulous" as Merriam-Webster puts it.

High conscientiousness comes by possessing such traits as those in the montage. Having an awareness of our movements, our actions, our thoughts. Only by taking care in our choices can we expect to be successful in our consequences.

Enjoy the day....but be meticulous in the way you live it; knowing to get the results you wish for require your not just "wanting"...but as well your "becoming".



Keep looking up.
AJThe Journey: A Calendar Book

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Yesterday's reading was "Cultivate your relationships". Today's reading, May 24th, relates to yesterday's and can be a determining factor in your personal success...."Those relationships which don't work out, let go".

Too often we "hang on" to relationships which either don't work out for one reason or another or relationships we KNOW aren't good/healthy for us. We all know which relationships I'm speaking about. When we develop relationships out of convenience and fail to consider those aspects necessary to maintain a successful connection with someone, they generally are empty relationships; we add nothing to them and they add nothing to us and are destined to fail. More than physical presence is required to cultivate a meaningful connection, yet we keep people around out of habit or fear of confrontation.

We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there before. And most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us: Someone who doesn’t add value. Someone who isn’t supportive. Someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back to the relationship. Someone who contributes very little and prevents us from growing.

Relationships cut from such a cloth are very unhealthy; they lack to ability to fulfill us and hamper our living a meaningful life .
So when relationships don't work out, let go of.

So you're at the point of knowing such a relationship exists in your life and you've not been able to "fix" it, you can end it altogether. Clearly this isn't an easy task, it may be a family member, a "friend", a lover, someone at work; when a relationship is draining your life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them, “Gotta move on”.

Moving on is perfectly appropriate. We owe it to ourselves to do just this. We owe it to ourselves to be happy in our relationships. Remember we are in control of our lives only.

Note though, earlier I stated they add nothing to us, nor do WE add anything to them. We must do our part. We must add value to the relationship; by displaying how much we care, displaying our compassion through our actions, doing what we can to enhance the relationship.

Don't get dragged down by others, as well work to not drag others down.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Our reading for May 23rd, from Allen James' featured calendar book for 2013, "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Cultivate your relationships".

"Cultivate: to improve by labor, care, or study : refine" (merriam-webster.com)

The world we live in today is much less conducive to meaningful relationships than it used to be. On average Americans move every five years. We drive straight into our garages and head into the house. Seldom do I see people sitting out on their front porches. Many don’t even know their neighbors' names.

"Good" relationships are much like the air we breath and the water we drink: We don’t realize how much we depend on them until we don’t have them. "Good" relationships give us a sense of who we are.

So what is the secret ingredient in the cultivating of relationships? The short answer is respect for others' feelings, concern for others' property, and being helpful when help is needed.

Life is hectic to be sure. Sadly one of the very first things to get moved down the list of priorities when things get too hectic is our friendships. There are few things in this world which enrich our lives more than our friends. If not properly cultivated, our "good" relationships will slowly wilt and eventually die altogether.

Cultivate your relationships. Invest the time and care necessary to sustain them and cause them to thrive. You'll be glad you did.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for May 22nd from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"....Develop a good plan and follow the course".

Personal success is the result of determination, stamina, vision, and perseverance. Having a commitment to your dreams, not just dreaming, but desiring the dream you have and wanting it to become your reality bad enough you make it your reality. How do we do this? We start by developing a plan which assures us of our dream's ability to become "real".

Some dreams are best to remain dreams, while other dreams are meant to be lived. It is up to us to determine which is which. Development of a plan takes time and clarity.

I'm a planner. I enjoy setting out the steps, sketching out a timeline, and then filling in the middle. Usually I rush into it from this point due to my impatience; not a good idea. It's always best to take your time and do it "right".

Whether you're ready to make a big change in your life, start a new career, begin a new relationship, or you know the time is perfect to go after your life dream; quite often fear is what is preventing you from moving at all. Starting out with a plan first alleviates much of this fear.

1. Take some time to think about what you really want, but more importantly why you want it. There are no wrong or right reasons for having a desire, but knowing what your reasons are can help you navigate the inevitable roadblocks and make decisions.

2. Have a contingency plan. In many cases, particularly if you're considering a career change or following a big dream, this is going to be a financial plan. How are you going to support yourself until you can get your plan up and running? And if you can't commit to your goal while maintaining your current job, how are you going to make enough money to keep you going while you enact your plan.

3. Break down your plan into smaller steps. Start with big milestones and then break down the steps you'll need to meet them. Evaluating progress regularly helps keep us on track.

4. Be flexible. "The best laid plans..." as the saying goes. Things happen, realizations strike, and goals change. Just because you've made a beautiful plan doesn't mean you have to see it through, no matter what. Be honest with yourself. If things aren't working out the way you expected, it's okay to change the plan. It's your plan after all.

5. Be patient. Trust your plan, trust it will unfold in its own time, and trust a little patience now could save much pain later (Manterfield).

So, what are you waiting for? It costs nothing to make a plan. And once you break it down into small steps, you may just find launching your plan is not nearly as painful as you'd thought.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

 For May 21st we read from "The Journey: A Calendar Book", "Always have a back up plan".

"P.P.P.P.P., P.P.P.P.P.!!" regularly bellowed out of the mouth of the history teacher who taught in the room adjacent to mine for the first 6 years of my teaching career. "Proper pre-planning prevents poor performance". Mr. McKenney was certainly teaching more than about the American Revolution to those high school freshman those 30 years in education.

So goes today's reading, "Always have a back up plan". Being prepared for whatever comes your way is a must for personal success; and the words themselves allude to prior thinking on our part.

When I started college following high school I declared my major to be business management; I thought I wanted to someday own/operate a restaurant. Having to declare a minor I though long and hard...I settled on English education just as a back up plan, never really thinking I'd use it. It was something to fall back on if my restaurant didn't make it.

I started following college as a high school English teacher; marriage demanded I get a job immediately. I've been in education now for 30 years. Fortunately I was prepared for the unknown.

One of my favorite books to teach, and read...is "Of Mice and Men". John Steinbeck's idea for the title for his award winning book was came from the poem by Robert Burns, "To a Mouse". The reality of "the best laid plans of mice and men…often go awry".

Always have a backup plan!

For certain we can't anticipate everything which comes our way in any endeavor we undertake, but usually we can count on "Murphy's Law". which when confronted by, we’ll be much happier if we've prepared by having "Plan B".

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Hoping your weekend was a great one.....our readings for yesterday and today are taken from "The Journey: A Calendar Book" and are as follows, May 19th first, then May 20th...

"Once you've taken time to grieve, LIVE".

One of our greatest defeats in this world is becoming "attached" to our grief. For many it somehow seems to keep them connected to their loss; for others it becomes a cross they feel they must bear. Still others maintain a sense of guilt attached to their trauma, feeling as though if they "move past" it they are in some way not staying true to themselves.

Just as it is vital to our emotional self to take the time to grieve, it is VITAL to our personal success to LIVE after we've taken the time we need.

Of course you'll find a plethora of opinions about how to actually get on with the process of living following a time of grieving, and you'll certainly be given advise from numerous friends in moving on, but only you know how to LIVE your life. While it's a good thing to listen to others and their "advice"....listen to yourself more than anyone else. Just as you know when you've grieved "enough", you as well know how to step past the edge of grief and walk into your NEW life, for it is exactly this, a NEW life after grief, after trauma, after loss, after love.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

May 20th, "Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." Henry David Thoreau

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series

Our thought for the day.....May 18th...."Just have a great day!"

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"

Since it the last day of school most places around the area..May 18th's reading is taken from "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"....and somewhat appropriate : ) .... Following a traumatic event take time to regroup".

Certainly 9 months of teaching and working with children and adolescents on a daily basis is not necessarily traumatic....unless you've chosen the wrong career.

n. pl. trau·mas or trau·ma·ta (-m-t)
1. A serious injury or shock to the body, as from violence or an accident.
2. An emotional wound or shock that creates substantial, lasting damage to the psychological development of a person, often leading to neurosis.
3. An event or situation which causes great distress and disruption (merriam-webster.com)

When humans are exposed to trauma in whatever form it takes, responses can be as myriad as we humans are ourselves and as traumatic events are varied.

Maybe you:

Were a witness or were involved in the event.
Arrived upon the scene of the event.
Had a "near miss" or were almost involved in the event.
Knew or know others who were killed, harmed, or involved in some way.
Have a relationship with family or friends of victims.
Have heard about the event through media or friends.
Are reminded of other traumatic incidents in your life by this event.

Trauma reactions are normal reactions to extremely abnormal circumstances. It is difficult to predict what type of trauma reactions you will experience following a disastrous event. It is important to allow yourself permission to have your reactions, and take care of them both by yourself and by asking for help from others, as best you can. Many people find it helpful to have information about what constitutes a typical reaction to trauma.

Typical reactions may include:

Heightened anxiety or fear
Irritability, restlessness, or over-excitability
Feelings of sadness, moodiness, more crying than usual
Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness
Feelings of numbness or detachment
"Survivor guilt", or feelings of self-blame that you escaped the tragedy
Re-experiencing of the traumatic event, possibly including:
intrusive thoughts or images of the event
distressing dreams or nightmares
flashbacks about the event
distress when exposed to events that remind you of the trauma
Feelings of estrangement or isolation from others
Hypervigilance (feelings especially attuned to events around you, scanning environment for possible danger)
Difficulty concentrating
Feelings confused or distracted, slower thought than normal
Heacaches
Nausea or upset stomach
Exaggerated startle response (tendency to startle easily at loud noises)
Fatigue or feelings slowed down
Hyperactivity, or less activity
Heightened tendency to behave irritably
Withdrawal, social isolation
Avoidance of activities or places that remind you of traumatic event
Insomnia
Strong need to talk about the event, read accounts about the event

Keep reminding yourself your responses are normal responses to a stressful situation. Give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Your body and mind will tell you what you need to do--your job is to listen to them.

Get plenty of rest when you're tired, and use the energy you have if you experience hyperactivity at times. Don't force yourself to be active if you don't have the energy, or rest when you feel tired.

Talk to people as much as you need to. Reach out. You may experience a need to talk repetitively about the trauma. If you can find someone who is willing to listen, use her/him to talk to about how you are feeling. If you do not have anyone in your support network to use, consider calling a crisis line, going to a crisis center, or using other community resources--they are there to help you.

Spend time with others, even if you don't feel like talking. It can be very comforting to know you're not alone. Try to find someone or someplace which feels safe and comforting to you, and spend time there.

Don't make any major life decisions or big life changes if at all possible. This is not a time to put pressure on yourself to do anything out of the ordinary. Concentrate on taking care of yourself.

Allow yourself to cry, rage, and express your feelings when you need to. Try not to numb your feelings with alcohol or drugs. This will only complicate your situation.

It is important to know recovering from a trauma is a process may take a long time. The initial response of disruption (perhaps alternating with numbness) may last days, weeks, or longer. Don't be surprised if you continue to experience these reactions for longer than you expected. It is impossible to predict how long you will experience effects of the trauma, but usually trauma reactions gradually decrease over time. If you experience another stressful event while recovering from this trauma, you may find your trauma reactions reappear for awhile. This re-activation, or delayed trauma response, is perfectly normal.

At any time during this process, you may find it useful to ask for professional help form a counselor or mental health professional. There are some circumstances under which you should definitely get professional help:

if you find yourself feeling suicidal or contemplating suicide
if you find your daily functioning continues to be impaired so you cannot carry out your life tasks
if post-trauma fears interfere with your ability to return to certain places or situations which remind you of the trauma

Whatever the case, take time to regroup....

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 14th from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success" ..... "Take an acting class".

William Shakespeare penned over 500 years ago in his comedy, "As You Like It", one of his many most quoted lines....

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts..." (As You Like It, II:vii).

Like is a unique comedy, drama, and tragedy packed into, if we're lucky, 80 some odd years on this planet called Earth. The roles we play have been scripted well to assure a fairly good performance. We go through each day living a preordained, fated life, where we are actors, following scripts, despite our preferring to believe we are living unique existences.

If you've ever taken an acting class, you realize how true Shakespeare's words can be. Jaques' monologue pulls the rug out from under us. When we come to understand others may be playing the same role, reading the same lines as we, we see how insignificant many of our actions are.

Having an ability to play your role well is the key. Shakespeare goes on to explain how important this is in his tragedy, "Hamlet", when he says through the character of Hamlet,

"Speak the speech I pray you as I pronounced it to you,
trippingly on the tongue; but if you mouth it as many of your player
do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines. Nor do not saw the\
air too much with your hand thus, but use all gently; for in the
very torrent, tempest, and, as I may say, whirlwind of your passion,you must acquire and beget a temperance that may give it
smoothness. Oh, it offends me to the soul to hear a robustious
periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to tatters, to very rags, to split
the ears of the groundlings, who for the most part are capable of
nothing but inexplicable dumb-shows and noise..." (Hamlet, III:ii)

Throughout our lives we experience many interactions with many predictable results and a few unpredictable ones. Advances in psychology show most personality traits and types and their interactions are in finite variation, many unforseen by laymen, thus taken to be unique experiences. At a higher level, the vast majority of it all follows scripts describable in a paragraph or two, filling out this monologue even further. There will, of course, be a minority of outliers, people and etiology. Details differ with the interpretations of the actors.

Take an acting class...it can help us through the eccentricities thrown our way.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for May 13th is taken from "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"... "Don't give up easily".

Perseverance - : continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition (merriam-webster.com).

Perseverance is the desire to push yourself to the finish line, despite fear, obstacles, discouragement, or opposition. Without perseverance I certainly wouldn't be writing these words in support of Calendar Books by Allen James, for I would have quit long ago. About 148 thoughts into writing the concept book I began to become doubtful I could come up with 149, let alone 365. But I kept keeping on. I had to commit to my dream of completing and publishing my idea regardless of the obstacles which fell in my path along the way.

With the help of family and friends I "kept the faith" and remained optimistic and excited no matter the difficulties I experienced and kept myself focused on the end goal.

What obstacles are in the path of your pursuing your own goals and dreams: fear, self-doubt, disappointments? Be one of those who pushes ahead; one who handles adversity with vigor. Forge ahead toward personal success.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success"

For May 12th we read from "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success" from Allen James' series of Calendar Books...."Dream dreams".

Having dreams (goals, desires, plans for tomorrow) is a must for personal success...for if we have no dreams we have nothing to aim toward for our personal success. Remember, PERSONAL success is what WE make it...not success in the sense of money, material greatness, etc... Personal success comes in very small packages as well as larger than life packages.

As we've established in earlier postings, the secret of having a fulfilling life is in the giving of what a fulfilling life sends our way. If we dream dreams, then follow our dreams we will have something worth sharing with others, hope, inspiration and a meaning to live. What better contribution can we give? Persuing our dreams produces courage, which is our fuel to achieve personal success in life.

There is a reason why as kids we loved magic and dreams. When we stop chasing our dreams we forget how it feels to live hopeful and remain young at heart and soul. Dreamers grow to be independent adults, learning we can make a difference in our own rights. In accomplishing our dreams we appreciate the experience of failure and know failure is just part of success.

Dreaming dreams develops us into interesting people, we show others we have meaning, direction and purpose, and let's face it, it is fun proving the world wrong. The more we chase and accomplish our dreams the more the lines of the boundaries of the world diminish. When we accomplish our dreams, we are the first to see it happen. Dreams are strong enough to define us, once accomplished we prove to others they have no say in who we can and can’t be.

Lauren Zander, of the Handel Group says The very act of putting your dreams into words — or “languaging” them as Lauren calls it — is the crucial first step to believing they are possible to achieve. The next step is to look at how you perceive your dreams as possible or impossible. Don’t be surprised to see cynicism rear its head with dream-blocking thoughts such as “I don’t have the talent to do that” … or “Come on, that would never happen”… “Wow, that’s way too hard”… or , the so common “I can’t afford it.” You can push past these excuses. Lauren points out that even the wealthiest people raise money instead of investing in their own ideas. “So many success stories come from asking for a favor, a loan, a chance,” she says, recounting how a woman she knows always wanted her own jewelry store. “She took a few pieces she had made and asked a store to sell them on consignment — and now her work is being sold in more than 25 stores. Some would say she got lucky — I believe she took a real leap by going in that first store with her bag of ‘stuff’ and asking if they’d take a risk on her.”

You can get past cynicism by keeping faith with your dream and having the confidence to pursue it. “It is the difference between thinking you are going to do this and hoping you might,” says Lauren. “The uncertainty in hope leaves you more scared than energized and happy. Honestly believing in your dream, on the other hand, excites you and makes the work that goes into attaining it fun.” For example, say you decide you are going to take up bicycling. Believing absolutely that you will do this generates an enthusiastic Web search for the right bike and then to find a cycling club in your area. But if you are simply hoping to take up the sport, your Web search will be a low-level priority that you won’t likely devote time or attention to… and then another (sort-of) dream bites the dust.

“Our actions follow our thoughts,” notes Lauren. By making your actions consistent with your dream — for instance, if your dream is to become a gracious host or hostess, preparing two new recipes a week, painting your dining room and collecting tableware — your actions are in fact the fulfillment of dreams. “Through your heartfelt dreams, you can make lasting change in your life,” says Lauren. “I believe that is what life is about, having dreams for what you want and going after them. The better the things you want and strive for, the happier you become.”

Dream dreams. Take control of your destiny.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James 

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 11th from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"...."Care about how you view yourself in EVERY way".

Physical, emotional, spiritual....the way we view ourselves IS the one most important determiner of HOW we are and WHO we are. Self-esteem, self-concept, self-awareness...whatever you want to call it...it is simply caring about yourself.

Whether it be grooming appropriately, having an attire which enables YOU to feel comfortable, keeping yourself spiritually fed, or assuring yourself you are healthy by eating and drinking foods and drinks which are good for you and practicing moderation in those which aren't the best for you...these activities are vital to personal success.

Although most of us SAY we don't care what others think, we each desire to fit into our social universe. Fitting into this social universe comes down to how we view ourselves.

Our perceived ideas about what others think of us are determined by our self-concept—our own beliefs about who we are. "You filter the cues that you get from others through your self-concept," explains Mark Leary, professor of psychology at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

Self-concept is determined by one person in particular, our primary caregiver growing up, most generally our mothers. How our mother responded to our first expressions of need and want influences in a very large way how we expect to be seen by others. "Children behave in ways that perpetuate what they have experienced," says Martha Farrell Erickson, senior fellow with the Children, Youth and Family Consortium at the University of Minnesota. "A child who had an unresponsive mother will act obnoxious or withdrawn so that people will want to keep their distance. Those with consistently responsive mothers are confident and connect well with their peers."


People endowed with the trait of physical awareness have a keen sense of how they present themselves. If you are concerned with the observable parts of personality—voice, posture, clothes and walk—as an actor would be, you will control the impression you give, and your self-perception will be more accurate. If, for example, you slouch but don't know it, your droopy posture registers in the minds of those you meet and enters into how they see you—unbeknownst to you.

People who have learned to regulate their emotions are in a much better position to know what others think of them, says Carroll Izard, professor of psychology at the University of Delaware: "They are able to detect emotions on others' faces and to feel empathy." If you are either overwhelmed with feelings or unable to express them at all, it becomes difficult to interpret someone else's response to you. Learning to give concrete expression to your feelings and to calm yourself in highly charged moments will give you a much better grip on your own and others' internal states.

…And what kind of person rejects feedback

There are people who behave in ways which prevent them from getting direct feedback from others, which renders them less able to know how they come off. Maybe you're a boss who is prickly and hostile in the face of criticism. Or a student who bursts into tears over a bad evaluation. Either way, coworkers and teachers will start leaving you in the dark to fumble over your own missteps.

Care about how you view yourself in EVERY way....

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 9th is taken from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"...."Tell your significant other you love them and what a beautiful person they are often".

"Significant other"....what a politically correct combination of words. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines significant other as, "a person who is important to one's well-being; especially : a spouse or one in a similar relationship" (merriam-webster.com).

When my calendar books went to my editor they read "spouse", but it was recommended I change "spouse" to "significant other". Pretty wise recommendation in today's world the plethora of combinations of living arrangements with those we hold "most important to" our well-being.

Regardless of your significant other, the importance of letting them know what high esteem you hold for them and how much you care and rely on their support and connection is vital to the sustaining and growth of your relationship with them.

It's not always easy to share with those you love the most positive words. In all actuality the word "love" is a verb, not a noun. Thus "do" love as often as possible and "saying" love won't be necessary nearly as much (Besides, saying "I love you" too often become trite).

I enjoy cooking and through the years have found it to be an opportune time to "show" love. In my private practice counseling with couples, using cooking as a tool has been a great way of expressing love for one another. Throughout the duration of counseling, at least 2 sessions are spent in my kitchen preparing and having a meal as a couple.

The benefits of cooking with your partner are numerous, which only makes sense then to do it as often as possible! Spending quality time in the kitchen:

Encourages working together as a team to reach a common goal
Encourages communication skills
Encourages spending time together

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

For May 8th we read from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success", "Respect the younger generation".

There is so much to learn from each other in this world. Sadly competition exists in places where it has no place. Generational divisions create nothing but negativity. There is much to gain by respecting those younger and those older than we.

Baby Boomers, Generation X, Generation Y, Generation Z, Boomerang Kids....as much as we preach about the dangers of labeling and stereotyping in our society you'd think we'd attempt to get away from sociological labeling, but it appears there's a need to do so for the text books. But is there a need for every decade of individuals to have a title? Doesn't this just create a possible false identity? "Can't we all just get along?"



Having worked with high school and college students for over 25 years and studying them, let along having spent countless hours with them I've acquired a pretty good understanding of where they come from. Respecting them and what they value can make for a more congruent future of connection between the generations. When the generations relate to each other we build positivity and work together to enhance personal success.

We can show respect for the younger generation by supporting what it is they value as needing from us, their elders. Below are the top 10 needs of young people from the people who influence them.

1. Communicate your heart. Being “real” and “transparent” are one of the greatest values of young people. This requires sharing your thoughts and feelings and allowing room for others to share theirs. It means being open with your fears, hopes and motives which earns the respect and trust of others in a social media saturated culture.

2. Cast vision often. When you paint a picture of the end result it aligns affections to the mission. When someone wants to do something, the quality of work that results is recognizably different than someone who is doing it because they have to.

3. Have an honest view of your abilities and your limitations. Overconfidence repels, and humility attracts.

4. Show Respect. Affection for and a desire to follow grows when you treat people as though they have God-given value and significance. Young people loose respect for people who talk down to others.

5. Go Big. Don’t be afraid to take risks. When you take risks it shows you care about something enough to put your faith in it.

6. Give Ownership. Let them contribute and have freedom to fail. Give them opportunities to use their unique gifts and abilities toward the end goal.

7. Persevere. Push through adversity, press into conflict and communicate. With over half of this young generation coming from broken homes, their examples of people who stick things out when it gets tough are few. Therefore, they not only have a real need but also a felt need of seeing people model pushing through in the face of adversity.

8. Be generous. Generosity ignites generosity. When you are generous with your resources, praise, patience and support for a young person’s benefit they take notice.

9. Honor others.

10. Admit when you’re wrong. It’s ok to not always know the answer. Admitting when you’re wrong or asking for someone’s opinion communicates humility and respect which are some of the deepest desires of a young person’s heart (Krokos, Laura. 2013)

Work with each other. Remember the African mantra, "It takes a village".

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

Our reading for May 7th.....from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Successs...."Do for others when possible".

On my way to work this morning I heard on the news from Cape Girardeau, MO over 1,000 people (men, women, and children) who don't have dental insurance but were in need of dental care were provided, free of charge, the care they needed through the Missouri Mission of Mercy program at the Show Me Center.
Preliminary estimates showed 2,600 extractions, 1,165 fillings and 630 cleanings, with about $962,000 in care. I was humbled by the willingness of a community to aid in meeting the needs of its citizens.

Doing for others with what we have it the best way to spread positivity throughout the lives of others. Doing for others by its very nature is generally a subtle, soft, and quiet act. But love and compassion are alive and every day is a new awakening in finding your own unique way to give from a genuinely positive place and also receive graciously. Just imagine the impact if everyone chose to consciously think good, speak good, and do good for others in their worlds.

The beautiful thing about doing for others is the fact it doesn’t matter where you live or go to school, if you are a farmer or a teacher, which cultural group you belong to or the past you have; doing good holds the power to liberate you from the old and help you find your place, in a way doing for others is the most inspiring, empowering and life-enriching act you can commit.

Doing for others as a first priority allows more and more people to discover and express their authentic true selves. In revealing our uniqueness through good, we create a new reality which emphasizes universal humane values, boosting growth and happiness to all.

The time is now, it is up to each and every one of us to replace our old patterns; to realize everyone is capable of making a huge difference.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

www.james_harryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 6th from "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success", "Be patient with your parents".

Young adults, whether graduating from high school or college find themselves embarking upon a new chapter of the...ir lives. With this new chapter comes an independence never yet experienced. With the insurgence of those who have been tagged, "boomerang kids", more and more college graduates in the United States returning to the "nest" following college graduation, and more high school gradates hesitating to "fly the coop", relationships which have been parent driven over the past several years find themselves in precarious positions.

"It may be reassuring to some parents with students moving back home, and to those students as well, to know that they are not alone. According to a survey conducted by the consulting firm Twentysomething, Inc., 85% of 2011 college graduates moved back home, at least for a while. The U.S. Census Bureau’s 2011 survey America’s Families and Living Arrangements, found that between 2005 and 2011 the percentage of individuals between 18 and 34 living at home has increased for all groups. In the age group 25-34, the percentage of males living at home has increased from 14% to 19%. The percentage of females in the same age group living at home has gone from 8% to 10%. In the 18-24 age bracket the percentage of males at home has gone from 53% to 59% and females from 46% to 50% (this includes students living in college dorms during the school year)" (www.collegeparents.org).

While parents must demand a following of rules when their young adults remain or return home, they must also realize they are no longer dealing with "children". This becomes a difficult and stressful situation for sometimes aging parents if not parents who still have children in the home as well as those parents who have a more than busy schedule to keep up.

It takes planning and communication for both sides of this coin to make the best of a not so good situation. Set out the "house rules" prior to the move back, and make sure to talk about budgets, expenses, business expectations, life lessons. Parents, attempt to let your student take the lead. Don’t allow either of you to slip back into old childhood routines.

"There is a good chance this phenomenon known as "boomerang kids" is here to stay for a while" states CollegeParents.org. Recognizing your role and working with your student to find a new way of living together and appreciating each other, will be yet another opportunity to forge a strong adult relationship.

Be patient with your parents. As they learn to adjust the "rules", or as they learn to adjust their perceptions toward who you now have become as a young adult, there are bound to be moments of stricture between the camps.

Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 4th from "A Woman's Daily Guide to Success", "Have diverse friends".

First, let's make sure we all have a clear understanding of what "diverse" really means before we all tied up in the misconception many have of diversity meaning race. Diversity is much more.

According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, diversity means "the condition of having or being composed of differing elements : variety; especially : the inclusion of different types of people (as people of different races or cultures) in a group or organization" (www.merriam-webster.com).

How does having diverse friendships encourage positivity and personal success one may ask...simple....when we surround ourselves with "spice" we exude a more flavorful existence.

Certainly we can all recall being told at one time or another, "Variety is the spice of life". Having a diverse group of friends assists us in meeting other diverse individuals which expands our experiences, thus exposing us to learning new things. The more diverse friends, the better we are in relating to the world around us as we mature. However, to meet diverse people, me must put ourselves in situations which are not always comfortable.

Cherie Burbach, of about.com says, "The key to meeting people in these types of situations is to have a sense of humor. You will feel a bit awkward and out of the place, and that's the point. Don't fight it. Instead, laugh off any nervousness and look to the people around you to help you adjust. These are the folks you'll likely connect with" (www.friendship/about.com).

Certainly the more people we get to know the better we are at having a diverse group of friends. Burbach goes on to say, "When it comes to finding new friends, consider breaking the standard rules of small talk and chat up some folks who share a different opinion in subjects that are usually taboo, like religion and politics. Rather than trying to change the person's mind, converse with the goal of trying to understand exactly where they are coming from" (about.com).

Meeting people who have a completely different viewpoint adds to our lives. Once we agree to disagree, we can get to know each other on a more personal basis. These are people who we would normally overlook when it comes to friendship, which makes engaging them all the more important to growing a diverse base of friends.

Have diverse friends. Expanding your group of friends expands your view of the universe. Small thinking results in small living.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

May 3rd Calendar Books by Allen James' reading, "Drive out to the middle of a meadow and just 'BE'"

We've heard it many times before; "You need to slow down", "Why don't you take time to breathe?".

Our lives require us to rush, if we don't get just everything on our lists completed or don't make just a little more money, we're not a success. But the time comes in all our lives when we run out of steam. Taking no time to enjoy life and living just for the sake of success and money will not procure "personal" success.

Several years ago some friends introduced me to "the pipeline" in Madison County Missouri close to where I was living at the time. "The pipeline" was a swath cut through the countryside which could only be arrived at by going off road. At the time I drove a SUV. There were ample opportunities for my friends and I to "off road" and enjoy the leisure of the country.

The "pipeline" was always my favorite due to its open space and hilly terrain. But what I appreciated most about this swath of beauty in the middle of nowhere lay about mid-way down the 15 mile fairway. As you top a small hill and head down its other side you quickly find yourself surrounded by nothing but fields, and in the middle of this meadow is a large oak tree, alone but present among field and sky.

Many times I would venture out to this field I secretly named, "High Meadow" due to its perfect location atop a small rising. Driving out to High Meadow, parking my vehicle and walking out to a space where nothing but field of goldenrod and open blue sky existed and laying back in the tall grasses brings a freedom and serenity we usually only experience in a dream state. Many plans were mapped out here, and many more afternoons of a solitude necessary for re-energizing the soul. "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalms 46:10).

If you don't already have a place such as "High Meadow", seek one out. Then, make yourself visit it, regularly. Make it a habit, and once it becomes a habit your life will change, for the better. You will find restored energy, a more positive attitude, more relaxed; and most important, more in tune with the Universe.

Natalie Ekberg, contributing author for ezinearticles.com recommends the following:

1.) Schedule your "tranquil time" into your calendar, just like any other appointment and treat it the same way: don't be late, don't cancel, do it properly.
2.) Be sure to refuse other people's requests or take on more responsibilities while having your quiet time.
3.) If you feel that many different thoughts are gathering in your mind and it is becoming overwhelming, write them down on a piece of paper and continue to enjoy your alone time. You might be surprised, what fantastic ideas might come your way while you are in this state!
4.) Make sure to exhale and inhale properly and deeply.
5.) Treat this as any other new activity you are learning. Give it time and be patient. The results will be worth every minute (Ekberg, 2009).

Drive out to the middle of a meadow and just "be".

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Today's reading, May 2nd, from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."Mourn when you need to".

The spring of the year is always a bittersweet time for me. I embrace the rebirth of the earth and its wonders, yet ironically the majority of the losses I've experienced in my life took place during the spring of the year.

Most of us have had to face loss head on; loss through death, abandonment, divorce, location, and through each of these losses most as well realize the importance of mourning those losses.

What exactly does it mean to mourn? We mustn't confuse grief and mourning. Grief is the emotional expression of loss; our feelings and responses inwardly to the understanding of the loss we experience. Mourning is quite different; mourning is the outward expression and our physical responses to loss.

The loss of someone we care about changes our lives forever, and the movement from the “now” to the “later” is nearly always an extensive, and most always, pain filled journey. Not only from my personal exposures with loss, but also my involvement with the hundreds of grieving individuals with whom I have worked through the years, I have learned to heal we must take the time in our grief to mourn...to express outwardly in the way we feel best our feelings of this sadness. We have to complete the journey, often winding along roads we find difficult to travel.

This journey MANDATES we mourn. To mourn requires us to be active in our grief journeys. We all grieve when someone we love dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn. Mourning heals.

Mourn when you need to. Never allow yourself to stifle emotions which could lead to additional stress later.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Daily Reading - Allen James' Daily Guide to Success series - "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for May 1st is taken from "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"..."Know your limitations".

Three hundred and eighty years BC a philosopher name Aristotle was teaching about this very thing; he understood when we go beyond our limitations our lives get out of balance. When our lives are out of balance the result is unhappiness, physical illness, negativity and lack of success. For Aristotle, stepping "out of the box" and going beyond your "comfort zone" leads to such an imbalance.

Today we are encouraged to do just what Aristotle cautioned against. We are taught from early on we can be whatever we want to be. We are encouraged as young adults to "step out of the box" and to go beyond our "comfort zone" and look at things from many perspectives to find what it is we truly want out of life.

Like most things in life, moderation is the key (January 24th, "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"). In the fast paced world in which we live today it is much too common to be overwhelmed, not only by those things which we may consider work, but also by aspect in our lives we think of as leisure: family, hobbies, community involvement. We all to often underestimate the role over-extending ourselves plays our emotions, time, effort, concentration, and energy.

Contrary to anything you've you may believe: we do have limits! We can't do it all. Many of the women with whom I counsel in my private practice present with the complaint of being overwhelmed. They are doing so much they don't have time to feel they are doing a good job keeping up with things are home; the family suffers, they suffer. They have to learn they cannot give 100 percent to 5 different areas of your life without eventually crashing. Crashes come in a variety of forms: feeling tired, sad, impatient, or even anger. Wearing too many hats takes a toll on anyone.

Over the years I've found people seem to detest the idea of making priorities in their lives, being the one to make choices for themselves, and beginning to look at other things in their lives they need to practice in moderation in areas of live other than just food, drink, and smoke. When we acknowledge our limitations we are then able to use them tools for growth; where limitations exist we learn to adjust and rethink.

Know your limitations...get your life in balance...We are the creators of our own destinies.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ