Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success:

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Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for October 31st, from A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success,

"Celebrate".

Every time we turn around it seems there is a holiday to celebrate. Maybe it just appears this way to me since I'm in education, where we live by quarters/semesters and time flies when you live by such a tight schedule.

However; according to life coach guest blogger, Tom Volkar, "celebration may just be the most underutilized tool in our toolbox. Some view celebration as soft or slacking off – like we aren’t really doing anything. Nothing could be further from the truth. Celebration is a pivotal stage in the productivity process because it allows us to commemorate all the good that we do.

"Unlike indigenous cultures, in the western world, we have forgotten many of our traditions, ceremonies and celebrations especially around the work that we do. In the name of progress, our culture has lessened rejoicing over everyday occurrences like sunrises and important seasonal events like harvest time. We need to remember that when the crops are safely in, it’s time to dance and make merry.

"Gratitude is the causative energy of appreciation that blesses us with ease and greater flow. Celebration is self-acknowledgment and recognition for successfully completing every small step. Completion is the triumphant achievement of our objective and our signal to proceed forward to the freshness of discovery. Here are five good reasons to celebrate more often.

"Celebration helps us stay in the present where our power is. By celebrating the completion of every small step, we leverage the powerful energies of gratitude and momentum. Thomas Edison taught us that even each mistake along the way is cause for celebration. Life is all about the journey, and that means that every step, as well as reaching our destination, is part of our journey. Celebrating at every juncture is recognition of a life well lived and well worked.

"Celebration builds self-respect. Others treat us according to how we treat ourselves. It’s important to hold yourself in high regard. Perhaps, like me, your early caregivers did not celebrate your presence and special glow. Celebration overwrites this limited conditioning and tips the balance of your internal programming so that it’s more natural to think well of yourself.

"Celebration feeds our basic human need for self-love and self-acceptance. Celebration is emotional nourishment. Yet sometimes we simply don’t feel like celebrating because we’ve fallen into the habit of harshly judging ourselves. When this happens, there is a negative feeling remaining in our bodies from a challenging event in our past.

"Celebration is positive magnification. What we focus on expands. When we downplay or skip celebration, we are telling ourselves that we haven’t done enough to be proud of ourselves – so our self-doubt is what expands.

"Sometimes we lament our lack of progress and go on fruitless searches for the answer. But often what’s missing is as simple as a little jig of recognition or bursting out in spontaneous song.
Your very being is enough reason to celebrate. Select a project or any progress that makes you feel good and join Kool and the Gang in Celebration of your achievement (coreu.com)!

Keep looking up. AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

October 27th, from The Journey: A Calendar Book, we read,

"Don't mimic others, be the one they mimic" (James, 2012).

"I want to be just like you when I grow up."  How many times have we said this very thing while growing up when we saw attributes in someone whom we respected, or possibly others have said this very thing to us.  Although it's a great compliment to have someone wish to emulate us due to our actions or character, it's a far greater compliment to be who we are and hope others appreciate our character or actions in such a way which encourages them to desire to be more like us.

Today's reading is one of my favorites of all calendar book readings.  Don't mimic others, be the one they mimic.  Be one of such character which is respected by those with whom we come into contact we serve as a mentor figure to them. 

When I was in college I was good friends with this guy who had a magnetic personality;  I still keep in contact with him to this day.  He’s a good friend of mine.  He possessed the type of personality which attracted people everywhere he went, like white on rice, as they say.  I was always amazed  how easily he started conversations with unfamiliar people about everyday topics, and within minutes, was joking and chatting with them like they were old friends.  I was just a freshman in college, and although I was never known to be the shy type, I many times envied my friend’s ability to be so free from self-consciousness and wanted very much to be like him.  I began to watch him closely (without being the "stalker" type) to try to figure out what it was he possessed which  made him so irresistible to other people.

Why is it  some people just seem to attract others?  What are they doing different than everyone else?  Is it something we're born with, or can this ability be learned?  I believe anyone can become this type of attractive individual by working on two main personality attributes:  confidence and empathy.

The first is confidence.  There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance.  The difference, I think, is arrogance tries to impress others, while confidence doesn’t worry about whether others are impressed or not.  You have to be comfortable in your own skin to be confident.

In college, I wasn’t quite there yet.  The reason I didn’t initiate conversations with people I didn’t know was because I didn’t think they’d be interested in talking to me.  Even though I had a broad range of interests, I thought I wouldn’t have anything interesting to say to someone, and any conversation I tried to start would become awkward and strained.  So, I just avoided the situation by hanging out with people like my friend, who took care of the conversational heavy lifting for me.  I could chime in occasionally without being forced to carry the conversation myself.

I started to understand more and more, everyone feels this way (at least a little bit), due to the fact we project our self-image onto other people.  We assume  what we perceive as faults in our makeup are readily evident to everyone we meet.  What I came to realize and believe is everyone feels this way to some extent or another.  And, the person you’d like to talk to, but can’t because you’re too shy?  They have the same types of hang-ups you do.  They’re most likely so obsessed with their own shortcomings there’s no way they have the time or attention to pick up on yours.

What separated my friend, and other people with supreme self-confidence, from people like me was the fact they knew this secret.  They knew the other person was most likely focused on themselves, so there was no reason to worry about their own shortcomings.  This gave them the freedom to display the second characteristic so important to building relationships.

The second trait is empathy.  If, like I said previously, most everyone feels a little self-conscious around other people, then it’s helpful to be able to get them past feeling.  You want other people to feel comfortable around you.  In order to do so, you have to understand these subconscious hang-ups people have and work around them to draw the other person out.  Make them feel at ease in your presence by finding common interests, or find something they can speak intelligently on.  If you can master the art of helping other people look and feel like experts on something when they’re around you, you’ll never be short of friends.  People like to feel like they’re adding to the conversation.  Here’s a hint:  if you’re having trouble finding something to talk about, ask questions about them.  Everyone’s an expert on themselves. :)

So, confidence and empathy.  It sounds more intimidating than it is, but I understand it’s tough sometimes to take that first step, especially if you’re not used to doing it.  Begin to make a habit of talking to people everywhere you go.  If you’re at the grocery store, talk to the person in front of you in the checkout line.  In the doctor’s office, talk to people waiting around.  The only way you’ll condition yourself to talk to people and get over your fear of it is to do it frequently.  By the time you’ve gotten over the fear, it’ll be a habit, and good habits are difficult to break.
Don't mimic others, be the one they mimic, and keep looking up.  :)  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

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Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for October 27th, from The Journey: A Calendar Book is,

"Be tidy".

Whether we realize it or not, the way we present ourselves and our "space", speaks volumes to others about who we are. Whether speaking in public representing someone else, or just plainly presenting ourselves as an individual; it is still "me" in the front line. It is "we" the other person, group or audience sees, and before "we" even open our mouths, assumptions, both consciously and subconsciously, have been made. First impressions are very important - and are as much an indicator of attitude as they are attire.

Visual impact is at least as important as verbal impact, people will very quickly make assumptions based on your facial expressions, the clothes you wear, how well groomed you are and your body language. Although there is little we can do to alter our face, we can do much about the expression which accompanies it.

The mood in which our day began, no matter what "crisis" has occurred along the way, it is our duty - to ourselves as well as to the the person to whom we are interacting to show and expect mutual respect - to convey a calm, friendly and professional exterior, despite how we may feel inside. Smile and appear optimistic.

The reflection staring back at us from a mirror is not necessarily a true likeness of the face known to our family, friends and colleagues, because they will see us off-guard, in repose, concentrating on a task or listening to them. How many people can honestly admit to looking in a mirror without altering their expression? It is quite natural to ‘play to a mirror’ possibly by raising an eyebrow, pulling a face or smiling at the reflection. This is why many often feel self-conscious when seeing a ‘bad’ photograph of ourselves.

Nobody expects us to be packaged into something we are not, but our appearance is a reflection of our own self-esteem and it should be our aim to present "us" to our best possible advantage. Although we might be casually dressed when at work on "Casual Friday", a more formal approach may well be preferable if we have a meeting with the boss.

Good grooming and a tidy appearance is preferable, whether casually or more formally dressed. Understanding body language is one of the most important aspects of personal presentation. The image conveyed by the physical self should support and enhance what is being communicated verbally. If the visual image differs widely from the spoken message, it is often the non-verbal account believed.

The way we sit, stand, our gestures and mannerisms and our facial expressions will say far more about us and how we are feeling at any given time than the words we are using. When individuals are nervous or uneasy, their behavioral 'bad habits' become more pronounced.

Attentiveness to body language, our behavior under pressure, signals we are unconsciously giving, how nerves and stress affect us physically, can help us to understand how we 'come across' to others. It can also explain how the wrong impression is sometimes given and how confusion can occur.

Working on body language is a way of improving personal presentation. For example, when concentrating on something rather difficult, our expression may look troubled, when in reality we are not anxious at all, merely absorbed. This does not mean we should go around with a fixed smile on our face, but just be aware our physical self might send one set of signals when our mind is involved elsewhere.

The gestures of individuals are part of their personalities, a part of how they express themselves. Hand and arm movements can add emphasis, aid explanation and convey enthusiasm. They only become a negative signal when repeated so often they become irritating to the observer. Listeners can become so side-tracked by the sight of someone constantly playing with his/her hair, tapping on the table with a pen, etc., they no longer listen to the spoken word. Thus the negative signal has broken down the chain of communication.

Positive body language includes maintaining eye contact with the person to whom we are speaking; smiling (if appropriate) but especially as a greeting and when parting; sitting squarely on a chair, leaning slightly forward (this indicates you are paying attention); nodding in agreement; a firm handshake; presenting a calm exterior; looking interested.

Negative Body Language:

Negative body language includes not looking at a person when speaking; tapping a foot, fingers etc; rocking backwards and forwards; scratching; continually clearing your throat; fiddling with hair, ear lobes, jewellery, jacket, glasses, etc; picking at fingers or finger nails; yawning; repeatedly looking at your cell phone or a clock in the room; standing too close to others, and general inattention to a person speaking. All these I learned in Interpersonal Communication 101 my first semester in college.

Be tidy, in mind, body, and spirit.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Reading for October 26th, from Allen James', The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Learn from your mistakes".

And aren't there plenty from which to learn? Remember our "purpose", which I put my two cents worth in on some time back? Learning from those decisions which don't turn out as expected...ergo...mistakes...."grow" us. Many times those mistakes are the "manure" which fertilize us and become our own doses of  "Miracle Grow", if you will.

Don't just pass over mistakes....nor dwell on them; learn from them.

Mrs. Morrow, my mentor in disguise as my first grade teacher, as well as your own first grade teachers, taught us the miracle of the pencil's eraser....mistakes are fixable.

Keep looking up...and have a great autumn day...while continuing to keep looking up.  : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for October 23rd from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Take time for yourself when possible".

"Advice worth considering" (Sorg, 2013).

I was chatting with a good friend last night and shared with her I took my own advice yesterday (had a meeting but counted as a day for myself), she said "Advice worth considering". I retorted with, "Take the day off would be good advice coming from a bumb". She then retorted with, "But that's not what the reading says".

Point well taken. The wisdom comes from how we say what we say and the interpretation thereof.

Keep looking up. AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for October 22nd, from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Be polite on the phone".

I get a real thrill when I'm talking on the phone to a customer service representative who clearly is having a bad day. I often will ask straight out, "Are you having a bad day?". This usually really changes the way they respond to me...in a much more positive way.

Although we live in a hectic world today, we have no excuse for being rude to others on the phone. Anymore, talking on the phone is reserved for business matters; texting and emails have replaced casual telephone conversations, and when we allow our “abbreviate chat-speak” to spill over into your business phone conversations, you can lose credibility. Taking the time to be polite and show a little common courtesy, using professional phone etiquette, can catapult your reputation and journey to personal success.

Good manners aren’t just for Sunday dinners. Always being polite will help you communicate to others you take your business associates, as well as the general public, seriously. Which is always good for business. Phone Etiquette is about more than just saying Please and Thank You.

Manners and courtesy on the phone, phone etiquette, can be expressed by showing genuine interest in the person with whom you’re speaking, and can be as simple as making an effort to remember and use their name, or as involved as repeating their request back to them, so both parties are perfectly clear about what is being communicated. People will form impressions about the person they’re on the phone with, by virtue of how well they feel they are understood. Better understanding means better impressions.

Being courteous on the phone means speaking clearly as well. Accents are delightful, and can add a pleasant lilt to any phone conversation, and they sound best when all the words spoken are enunciated and easy to understand. Some people, in casual conversations, can have a tendency to mash words together, or completely drop their G’s, T’s or R’s. “Ya mom’s gotta know wha’ I’m sayin’.” (Your mom has got to know what I’m saying.) While this might be perfectly acceptable off the clock, it must be avoided during working hours. Particularly when you’re on the phone.

If you slow your speech tempo down a little, enunciate each word and avoid slang, you can actually make your phone conversations go more quickly, because you avoid having to repeat yourself.
We lose visual cues like body language and facial expressions when using the phone, but people can still hear them.

A good, courteous, polite, professional phone conversation isn’t only in the words. Your tone and the pace of your speech will also communicate volumes. Whether you are frowning or smiling, the person on the other side of the conversation is going to know. Sometimes consciously, but very often, totally subconsciously. So, it is very important during your business phone conversations, you’re sitting up straight and smiling.

Whether you’re a one-man-office or a busy, thriving mid-size conglomerate, answering your phones with professional phone etiquette and a polished, polite response, is our primary function. Making sure your potential and current clients are all greeted like the important people they are, is one of the key “secrets” to our ongoing success.

Be polite on the phone...not only will the one on the other end of the line appreciate it and their day be lifted...yours will as well.

Keep looking up. AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for October 21st, from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Watch as little television as possible".

The "Baby Boomer" generation, as apposed to "Generation X" or "Millennials", was the first generation to be exposed to the wonder of television. They watched the Nixon-Kennedy debate, dead American soldiers being brought back home from Vietnam, and Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon. Television was is black and white and one could only receive two or three channels from which to choose. Life went on beyond the TV set.

As a child I recall "getting" to watch an hour of television when I got home from school, an hour of television "with the family" in the evenings, and only after homework was completed, two hours on Saturday morning, and an hour before Sunday School on Sundays.

Today; after a long day at work, school, or taking care of the kids, our first instinct may be to relax by turning on the TV and watching our favorite show. While this is okay to do every once in awhile, time staring at the TV can really add up. We sit down to watch one episode, and suddenly, three hours have gone by. According to a report by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2011, watching TV was the leisure activity which occupied the most time in Americans' lives: almost three hours per day.

LifeHack detailed an experience of a couple who stopped watching television for 60 days. The results? The duo discovered they got along better, enjoyed meal times more, stayed active and were able to focus on their future. This may be proof time in front of the TV can be better spent by spending time with our loved ones or even working toward achievement in life. Here are a few immediate benefits we could see by spending a little less time on the couch:

More time
This could mean so many different things. This time could be spent catching up on work or school, spending quality time with our loved ones or working toward our goals, whatever they may be. This time is our own and by cutting out TV, we may find we had much more time on y\our hands than  originally thought.

Better conversations
By not having television to fall back on, we may find silence can be filled with special conversations. Get to know our spouse more or find out more details about our child's day at school. According to Balance In Me, one couple tried out no TV and found they began to slowly strengthen their marriage. Conversations were filled with common aspirations, fears and hopes as well as childhood stories and dreams about the future.

A healthier weight
According to researchers at the University of Vermont, less TV time translated into more calories burned. It was discovered adults who cut their television time in half using an electronic lock-out system did not see a change in calorie intake, but did expend more energy over a three-week period. In fact, those who decreased time on the couch found they burned 119 more calories per day. The control group, however, burned 95 fewer calories during the three-week period.

What would we do with all our extra time away from the TV? 

Watch less time watching television. Connect with others personally and expand our "purpose".

Keep looking up. AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for October 20th from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Visit the grave of a friend or loved one when you can (It'll make you feel better)".

Growing up I was one of those individuals who thought, when I grew up I'd regularly visit the grave of my parents, friends, grandparents, siblings; however when I got there (meaning grown up), my understanding of "the grave" had changed to the extent I rarely find myself sitting or standing by friends and loved ones graves talking to the ground thinking they can hear me.

But this doesn't mean I NEVER do it. When I return to my hometown to visit, which isn't very often thanks for my busy work life, I always stop by Rosedale Cemetery where Mom, Dad, Mamaw, Grandpa, Cindy, PC, and other close family members were laid to rest, and say a "Hello", or "Just stopping by". I'll often straighten the worn and torn American flags in front of Dad's gravestone, or pull weeds from around others, always thinking how silly it is to think aloud TO them, but at the same time knowing I'm thinking aloud TO ME as well; cementing further the compassion these individuals instilled in me through their living years on this planet, and cultivating further the energy they continue to emit through me.

I recently visited the grave of an old friend. Every time I go, I'm sure it will be the last time. She was a teacher, a mother, a daughter. We had been friends all our life when her life was taken much too early.

We had not spoken in several years. I knew I would be welcomed if I called, but I didn't, til one day, years later, something she once said to me popped into my head. I remembered it, word for word, and marveled at the fact. I thought, well, maybe its time I look up her number and reconnect. Maybe she is thinking of me just as I am her. I Googled her name and the name, and ending up getting her obituary. She'd died suddenly at the age of 36, three months earlier.

That was early 2010, and I've been out to visit her grave about twice a year since then, but always on her September birthday. I missed her last few birthdays of life, and I always feel I want to make up for it somehow. She'd once said her family often forgot her birthday, but she knew I would always remember. I do now.

I want you to know this all seems very silly to me. I know my friend is not there in a piece of ground. I know life is for the living. Yet I drive the hundred miles to sit on a piece of grass in the hills, and talk to her. Why would any rational human do this?

Who cares if it seems like a silly thing to do. If it works for you, I say go for it. Any opportunity to dispel loneliness for someone or a chance to reconnect with those you care so much for, is an opportunity worth taking.

Remember, not everyone moment is going to be a happy one.

Keep looking up. AJ

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Calendar Books by Allen James reading for October 17th, from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Be neighborly".

"Won't you be my neighbor." Well known children's television personality Mr. Rogers' singing of these words are ingrained in most of America's youth and middle aged adults as he would begin each show. But just what does it mean to be a good neighbor? What does it mean to really be neighborly?

Although the word ‘neighbor’ doesn’t mean the same thing it did seventy years ago (the last time the US went through a depression with the sort of long standing unemployment we’re facing now) now, even if our neighbors live next door or just down the street, we may not know their names or even what they look like, but we may be intimately familiar with the goings on in a household halfway around the world, through online acquaintanceship which grow to friendship.

When applying these tips to your life, use your own definition of neighbor. If you don’t like or want to help the obnoxious jerk two doors down, don’t feel obligated. However, if you want to, you might find underneath the obnoxious exterior is a big ol’ softy who is masking shyness – or he might be a jerk through and through. If you want to help a friend you’ve known for a decade on line, but lives clear across the country, fine too. Or if you want to help a total stranger who happens to live nearby or ‘lives’ in the same net neighborhood, fine as well.

For Physical Neighbors and the Neighborhood at Large:

If you know a neighbor is hurting financially, ‘just show up’ claiming to have done some de-cluttering, with clothes for a member of the family and/or canned goods – and make it clear they’re welcome to use them or pass them on.
Offer to help organize a garage or yard sale to raise a little money.
Hire the neighbor to do a little work around the house- cleaning or yardwork or something else- either one time or as an ongoing source of income.
(If justified) offer to write a letter of recommendation for employers or serve as a personal reference.
With financial difficulty often comes depression and difficulty coping- offer to help with housework or yard work if needed.
Take your friend out to lunch or dinner and a movie and pick up the tab.
Just hang out over coffee and talk. We don’t do this enough any more.

For Neighbors in your Net Neighborhood

Strike up a conversation through text or Facebook or whatever source you use. If it’s private, make sure you use direct messaging of some variety.
Organize a Pay-pal (or other online pay source) fundraiser for your neighbor. Make sure you verify the story first.
‘Listen’ well. Offer sympathy and offer advice only if asked.
Help your ‘neighbor’ find online and even local resources. Use the power of the online community (hive-mind) to help.

Being neighborly involves thinking of the other person’s preference before thinking of your own need to help. Sometimes people want companionship or friendship far more than they want or need material help. Pay attention and gauge the situation carefully, and then act.

Be neighborly, and always keep looking up.  : )   AJ

(amitheonlyonedancing.com)

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James reading for October 16th, from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Spend some of that time you're thinking, talking to your Maker".

Refraining from sounding "religious", but hoping to reflect on my "spiritual" side, today's reading expresses the difference between fulfilling personal success and empty happiness.

The Good Book stresses the importance of what we might call “inner prayer.” It infers strongly God does not force Himself into man’s consciousness, any more than air forces itself into man’s lungs. The Infinite waits patiently for the recognition and acceptance of the finite.

In Matthew 6:6 of the same Book we're encouraged with, “When you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (KJV).

Mankind may be amazingly creative, artistic, productive, inventive, vigorous, powerful and dynamic; all this is the outpicturing or “exhalation” of his true being. But there must also be a regular period of inhalation, or else he will “come to know want.”

Most people are good “achievers” but poor “receivers.” We set our minds on the achievement of things and positions in the world. But because we do not look within for support, we do not receive the wherewithal to keep on achieving. Living beyond our spiritual means, we are overdrawn and overextended. The answer is to get involved in the discipline of solitude and meditation. And to have much success with “inner prayer,” we must cultivate “the art of letting go,” and this takes much practice.

Every one of us must determine for ourselves whether we are going to go through life worrying and fretting over the challenges which come through change, or whether we are going to let the activity of the whole Spirit express in and through us. Letting go and letting God is a fine art, achieved only through the discipline of practice. Fear tends to hold on, but faith lets go. Practice faith. Human love holds on, but Divine Love lets go. Practice Divine Love. “Let God be God in you.”

Spend time thinking with Him.

Keep looking up. :  )   AJ

(rothbotham)

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

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Calendar Books by Allen James reading for October 15th, from "The Journey: A Calendar Book",

"Keep in contact with your siblings".

Today's reading can be a difficult task, but all in all it is an important tool in striving for personal success and cultivates a positive lifestyle. Growing up and leaving home is one of those difficult realities of life. When siblings go away to college, begin his/her career or get married, quite often there is distance between them and adjustments have to be made.

Families come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ethnicity. They are as well the starting point from where we gain social skills. As well, the degree to which we maintain those relationships throughout our adult lives is a determining factor in our satisfaction with personal success.

Coming from a large family (5 boys and 2 girls, all within 10 years of each other), undoubtedly there are varying types of relationships with each; I am very close with my oldest brother, number 1, and either visit three or four times a year or talk to on the phone every couple of weeks; my next to the oldest brother (number 2) and I have worked to build a closer relationship over the past 10 years as entered the Navy at the age of 18 when I was only 9, my oldest sister (sibling number 3) and I have a very close relationship, she's my best friend and supporter. I was very close as well with number four when I was younger (she passed away when she was 34 and I was 29). Number 5 and number 6, although the closest in age, have the most challenging relationships, due more than likely to the competitive nature of siblings so close in age and my being the "baby" of the family.

Yet they are each special to me in their own ways. Through the years I have attempted to keep close even though miles separate us. Luckily there are many ways you can stay in close touch with your siblings to maintain the close relationship you grew up having together.

Technology is amazing for supporting and strengthening sibling relationships. All that is needed is a bit of effort.

-Telephone/Cell phone

Today, you can reach your sibling any time, any day. With the convenience of the cell phone, “reaching out to touch someone” has never been easier. Most carry his/her cell phone on their person at all times and even if unable to answer a call, could receive a voice mail or a text. The communication opportunities are available and a simple way to stay in contact. Talking on the phone and hearing the voice of your sibling is a great comfort.

If there is more than one sibling, a three way call is a great way to share big news with the siblings at the same time. Catching up with one another at the same time helps keep the bond close and in these busy days, helps saves time as well.

Siblings have a great intuition for one another and hearing his/her voice can reveal in the tone if there is stress going on. This can give the sibling an opportunity to encourage conversation and offer support.

-Email

This form of contact is a wonderful way to stay in touch. While not as personal as a phone conversation, a great way to share everyday events, make plans for a get together and share photos. Email is also terrific as it can be opened and responded to at the convenience of the receiver.

If staying in touch with more than one sibling, emails can be sent and forwarded and this helps to keep everyone in the circle of good communication

-Skype

Skype is one of the most exciting ways to stay in touch with family. It is free to join and allows you to talk to your sibling and see their sweet face at the same time. You can group Skype if you choose to speak to more than one sibling at a time. . All you need is a webcam and most computers have one built in. If not, they are reasonably purchased.

Skype is a way to share the joy of a new niece or nephew with your sibling. This new technology allows the most exciting form of communication, especially when distance is an issue. To be able to see your sibling; share with them a live shot of the new puppy or simply show them your new hair style, brings you closer together.

-Plan time together

Make the effort to get together as often as possible. Sharing time together creates new memories and offers a great time to reminisce about the good old days. Take turns making the plans and hosting the gathering. You can make dinner arrangements or plan a vacation together. Be creative and if possible, spontaneous.

Cards/Letters

Everyone enjoys a personal, handwritten card from time to time. Remembering his/her birthday or anniversary shows you care and want to remind them of the importance of your relationship.

There are many possibilities to stay in close, personal touch with your adult sibling. Your relationships are based on a history full of good times and most likely, a few bad times as well. Continue to build the bond between you and your siblings. Make the effort and your lives will be forever connected.

Keep in contact with your siblings...and keep looking up. AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

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Just click and pick.... 

What a beautiful fall weekend we experienced in Southeast Missouri. Several hay wagons passed by full of hay and friends having a wonderful evening carousing country gravel roads. Memories in the making or just good times, it's always nice to see some things remain constant.

Our reading for October 14th, from "The Journey: A Calendar Book",

"Revere your significant other's parents".

We're all familiar with the age old jokes about the mother-in-law. A few years back Jane Fonda portrayed the mother-in-law of Jennifer Lopez's character in, appropriately titled, "Monster-in-law; a comedy which carried through with our preconceived ideas about in-laws.

But just as everything else in life, there are always two sides to an opinion. I CAN speak from some experience on the topic; believe it or not I was married many years ago. For me the stereotyped in-laws wasn't applicable. I was on of the family from day one. I found a great article on the topic while browsing a few days back. I think you'll enjoy it as well if you have any interest in it.

"If your in-laws love you, you've got it made, but if you're not their favorite person in the world, there could be arguments, resentments and even hatred. Often the relationship that you have with your in-laws directly affects the relationship that you have with your mate. Sometimes you have no idea why they don't like you. It could be that they think you're not good enough for their child or maybe you are of a different religion than them. No matter what the base of the animosity, there are ways that you can show your in-laws that you're willing to work on the relationship, if they are. Even if they're not willing, make an effort to get along with them out of respect for your mate. Analyze what you think the problem might be and work on ways to improve the way that they perceive you.

"It will be easier to deal with your in-laws in general if you have a sense of humor. Insults roll off easier if you laugh them off. Don't take everything so seriously that your temper flares. This will only create more tension between you. Sometimes, although difficult, it's best to pretend that the rude comments made were not upsetting to you in the least. If the in-laws notice that they can't get an angry reaction from you, they might just ease up on the snide comments. Try smiling or even laughing aloud when they've said something hurtful. If nothing else, this at least prevents them from receiving the response for which they'd hoped.

"Always offer your in-laws respect. Even though they might not be courteous to you, it's imperative that you not give them more reason to dislike you. Communicate in a friendly way with your in-laws, when possible. If you have been pushed to the point of speaking out, state your complaints properly. Do not yell, insult or use foul language with your in-laws. Speak frankly and explain why you think they are being unfair to you and what you think should be done to resolve the matter. Try also explaining to them that their actions are affecting not only you, but their son or daughter, not to mention any children involved. If they realize that they are hurting their own child, they might bite their tongue more often. If children are involved, never talk about your in-laws in a negative way when they are within earshot. Children often repeat what they hear and you'll earn no points with the in-laws if the kids repeat malicious comments you've made.

"If you have to go to your in-laws but would like the visit to be limited in time, devise a secret word or phrase that you can implement when you feel as though you've had enough. Decide on this code before going to the in-laws and agree that once you've spoken the secret phrase, it's time to go. Change the code from time to time, so they don't catch on.

"Never try to keep your spouse or children from associating with your in-laws; it will only cause more hostility. If you feel like you just cannot be around them, let the family go without you. It's best though, if you try to continue having a relationship with the in-laws, even if it's not a good one. One day things might change and they could even begin to accept you, once they see you are not going away.

"Kill them with kindness. Endear yourself to your in-laws by offering to help them out around their house on occasion. Give them attention when they are sick. Volunteer to keep the maintenance up on the house while they go on vacation. Don't get discouraged if they reject your offers time and time again. Eventually an occasion might present itself to where they have no where else to turn, and there you'll be. Realize that you can't change them, but you can change your attitude towards them. Think of their ways as different, not wrong. This might help you to forgive and forget and move towards a closer relationship with them. In time, you could actually begin to like each other
(essortment.com).


Revere your significant other's parent. Remember, disrespecting them is disrespecting your significant other.

Keep looking up. AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

 

Browse/preview/purchase the Allen James' publication of your choice for 25% off:  Crystal the Condor Makes Friends is now available as well at:

www.lulu.com/spotlight/allenjames1961 or

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Our thought for October 13th from The Journey: A Calendar Book reads:

"Fall in love at least once in your life" (James, 2012).

Of all the experiences one goes through in this lifetime, I'd have to say falling in love tops the list of "musts".  Although many perceive falling in love as a concepts, not a true action, I'd have to disagree.  Allowing ourselves to be open to the emotion of loving one another on such a deep level tips the scales of our vulnerability.  Perhaps this is the reason it is such a must for our human experience.  Perhaps this vulnerability is just what makes falling in love such a special event.

Most of us are familiar with the different types of love, thus when I speak of falling in love at least once in our lives, most understand from where I draw my thoughts.  This special kind of intimate love between two souls cannot be matched; not by chocolate or a ride on a roller coaster.  Intimate love provides us with the perfect combination of chemicals in the brain to produces a unique response.  It's worth experiencing, if not just once in our lives.

Fall in love at least once in your life....and keep looking up....for usually where there is human love there is a need for calling upon the heights.....  : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

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www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks



Allen James' reading for October 11th from, The Journey: A Calendar Book;

 "Choose a career in an area you enjoy" (James, 2012).

Our reading for October 11th is yet again a no brainer.  We've all been told since a child to choose a career in an area we enjoy since we'll be spending upward of 50 years doing it in some form or fashion.  But again, we tend to forget to internalize the little things in life which end up meaning much.

Personal success is directly correlated to our careers.  Our careers are directly correlated to happiness.  Happiness is directly correlated to personal success.  See how intertwined the balance of our lives become?  Spending time doing what we do not enjoy leads to a very disgruntled "me".  A disgruntled "me" leads to a life of unbalance.  Unbalance in our lives leads to a lack of success, for how can we find personal success when we are not experiencing a life of equilibrium?

We must learn to connect the world in which we live to the world which is to come, preparing ourselves for the excitement of the future of which we are capable of creating.

Choose a career in an area you enjoy....and always, keep looking up.  : )  AJ  

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Browse/preview/purchase Allen James' publications by clicking on either of the following links:

www.lulu.com/spotlight/allenjames1961 or
www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

Today's reading from Allen James' The Journey: A Calendar Book is a quote by poet, Emily Dickinson:

"Success is counted sweetest by those who never succeed" (James, 2012).

In Dickinson's poem, Success is Counted Sweetest, the speaker says, “those who ne’er succeed” place the highest value on success. (They “count” it “sweetest”.) To understand the value of a nectar, the speaker says, one must feel “sorest need.” She says the members of the victorious army (“the purple Host / Who took the flag today”) are not able to define victory as well as the defeated, dying man who hears from a distance the music of the victors.

Many of Emily Dickinson’s most famous lyrics take the form of homilies, or short moral sayings, which appear quite simple but actually describe complicated moral and psychological truths. “Success is counted sweetest” is such a poem; its first two lines express its homiletic point, “Success is counted sweetest / By those who ne’er succeed” (or, more generally, people tend to desire things more acutely when they do not have them). The subsequent lines then develop axiomatic truth by offering a pair of images which exemplify it: the nectar—a symbol of triumph, luxury, “success”—can best be comprehended by someone who “needs” it; the defeated, dying man understands victory more clearly than the victorious army does. The poem exhibits Dickinson’s keen awareness of the complicated truths of human desire (in a later poem on a similar theme, she wrote that “Hunger—was a way / Of Persons outside Windows— / The Entering—takes away—”), and it shows the beginnings of her terse, compacted style, whereby complicated meanings are compressed into extremely short phrases (e.g., “On whose forbidden ear”).

Don't want what you don't have.  Seek personal success in life.  Keep looking up.  :  )  AJ


(Sparks)

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Books"

Browse/preview/purchase any of Allen James' publications at either of the following links and received 25% off:

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www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

Allen James writes for October 9th, from The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Be good company while around others" (James, 2012).

Reaching personal success isn't something accomplished easily, nor is it someone obtained without appropriate interpersonal communications skills.  One aspect of good interpersonal communication skills is possessing a good EQ (Emotional Quotient).  EQ encompasses our propensity to deal with the world around us and how we respond to the "arrows" which fly our way, the curves which we come to in the journey.

Working to stabilize our personality around others is key to this EQ.  Regardless of what kind of day we may be having, we're able to "maintain" around others; continuing to be "good company"....no one enjoys being around someone in a bad mood.  Bringing down others brings down self...even more.

Admittedly, it can be extremely challenging to maintain an optimistic attitude when we are surrounded by bad news and uncertainty. How can we manage to maintain positive energy in this environment while others give in to fear and uncertainty?

Many don't realize we have the freedom to decide our response to everything. The truth is, we get to decide our own feelings.  I know it doesn’t always feel like we have a choice, but we do. There's no question we can always follow the crowd, but what good does this do us?  We are much better served by making the choice to maintain our positive energy, and to remain optimistic and resourceful instead?

Nobody controls our feelings except us. If we decide to run our life on positive energy in spite of what’s going on around us, our energy levels will go up, our attitude will improve, and our feelings will become increasingly more positive.

Granted, sometimes terrible things happen and I am not suggesting we ignore them as if nothing was wrong. Denial is not a solution! What I am saying is projecting negative emotional energy will not help the situation. The worse a situation is the more it needs our positive energy. Our outlook on life is our decision. Decide to be positive in spite of everything, and watch what happens. We can decide in favor of ourselves even in the face of bad news. It’s a decision, our decision. Don’t take my word for it, try it out.


Be good company around others.  Keep looking up.  : )   AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Today's reading from Allen James', The Journey: A Calendar Book,

"Be real" (James, 2012).

In our attempt to live a genuine life, our attempt to be "real" in every way possible; all too often we do just the opposite.  All too often we are living lives of sincerity; lives which deflect who we actually are and reflect the "I" we wish we could be.  Personal success is gained only through a genuine expression of "I" on every front. Over the past 40 years to be sure, I've known the concepts of being genuine....of living real, begin real, but have been guilty of selfishness like all other humans.  I can recall times of immense regret of not being able to be the "perfect" person I thought I was supposed to be.  I can recall times sharing this with my sister and her replying to me via letter the realization of God knowing my heart, and "God knows your spirit", she would tell me.

I struggle still today to be a genuine individual.  Some days it works well for me, others I find myself continuing to struggle along.  I'm finding more and more this is what life is intended for...finding out along the way, each small step of the journey.

Our guest blogger today, Dr. John Amodeo, gives insight into today's reading in his blog, How to be Real Without Being Mean.

"The mantra to “get real” has become popular nowadays — and for good reason. We live in a society where images rule and authenticity is reserved for blue jeans and ethnic recipes. We’re trained to polish and parade a false self that we think will garner acceptance and accolades.

The isolation and disconnection that’s rampant in our society is based on a disconnection from our own genuine feelings and longings. We’re afraid to show what’s real, including our fears, insecurities, and yearning for love and intimacy. Instead, we may try to project a confident, self-assured, unruffled self that we think will win us friends and gain success. For example, we might conceal our hurt or sadness when our partner is late. Our built-up disappointment or resentment might leak out later over something trivial, which leaves our partner confused.


The deeper yearnings of our heart — our desire for love and connection — requires something from us. We need to know and show what we’re really feeling inside. Rather than keep our authentic self hidden due to a fear of being rejected or shamed, we need to summon the courage to contact and reveal what’s genuine inside us.

We legitimately want love, respect, and connection. But this wanting will not be actualized unless we’re willing to give something, both to ourselves and others: the gift of authenticity and realness.
Being real with others can feel freeing and empowering, especially when we’ve kept our true feelings under wraps for so long. Honoring our right to be respected and setting boundaries that serve our lives can boost our self-esteem. Expressing feelings of anger when our rights are violated and desires frustrated can feel liberating, if not intoxicating.

The shadow side of being genuine is that we may lose sight of how we’re affecting others. While we pride ourselves on being real, others may experience us as being mean. “Telling it like it is” may bring a newly-found empowerment, but does it leave people feeling disheartened or unsafe with us?
If our intention is limited to free self-expression, our manner of expression may push people away. If our intention expands to include a desire for a fulfilling interaction and connection, then we’re invited to be mindful of how our self-expression affects others.

Being real with others works better when we’re real with ourselves about what’s actually going on inside us. Anger toward our partner for being late is a legitimate feeling, but if we look deeper, there’s probably something more vulnerable going on. Perhaps their lateness is releasing salt into an old wound of feeling disrespected. Or, we simply feel sad to miss valuable time with someone we love. Sharing these feelings would be exposing something that is more deeply real.

According to Buddhist psychology, what is called “Right Speech” or “Skillful Speech” means refraining from saying things that are hurtful. A guideline is to consider three things before speaking: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful?

If we only consider what is true, then we have a license to say anything that pops into our mind. Considering whether it is kind provides a check to our impulsivity. What is important is not only whether something is true, but also that we express our truth with gentleness and caring. This softer self-expression reflects the awareness that people’s hearts are tender — and that we have the power to be hurtful or helpful.

Considering whether a comment is helpful means that we’re guided by an intention to deepen the communication and nourish the relationship rather than by an intention to retaliate, punish, or hurt a person. It takes a rigorous self-honesty to differentiate whether we’re coming from a heartful place of caring or a hurtful place embedded in reactivity.

Marshal Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication (NVC) is one useful model for how to communicate constructively by using self-revealing statements rather than attacking, criticizing, and blaming, which are destructive to relationships.

We may pride ourselves on being real, but developing deeper, safer connections with our partner, friends, and community requires that we blend honesty with a simple kindness and consideration of how our truth affects people. It’s a creative practice to search for words that are congruent with our true feelings while simultaneously being respectful and caring in our speech and tone of voice. Skillful communication that honors both ourselves and others is a fine art that can reap huge rewards in our love life and in all of our relationships". 

Thank you Dr. Amodeo for contributing.

Be real....and as always, keep looking up.  : )   AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Basking in this wonderful Southeast Missouri fall weather.  There's so much in this world to enjoy and be grateful for.  Hope your week is going well as well.  Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for October 6th and 7th respectively:

"Have meals around the table as a family" (James, 2012), and
"Catch lightening bugs in the summer and put them in a jar" (2012).

There are so many of my daily readings, I see more so now than when I wrote them down initially and published them into book form, which directly related back to and springboard from my childhood, my upbringing.  I am reminded of the Bible verse, "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it" (Proverbs, 22:6).  How those words return to me now I am at the latter end of this verse.

Yesterday's and today's readings both are from childhood experiences.  Mealtime was a big deal at the Harryman house; every meal time.  We often had big breakfasts, especially on weekends; this was an almost theatrical event with all seven children, parents, and grandmother each taking part.  And the rules to be followed at the table during mealtime were just as vital to the cooking of the meal for the production to come to completion without major errors; follow the table rules or be sent to the living room to await the completion of the meal by all the others, or be sent to the kitchen to eat alone there;  it depended on the infraction in the mind of Daddio I gather.

As much learning which certainly came from this experience which taught discipline and structure, just as much came from our second reading to teach team work and the importance of kicking back from time to time, "Catch lightening bugs in the summer and put them in a jar" (2012).  This was always a big event for us kids during the summer months which children used to spend outside; there were no air-conditioners and the window fans seem to only suck in hot air during those humid Kentucky summer months.  The adults seemed to enjoy watching us enjoy ourselves as we enjoyed catching the lightening bugs.  And there were always those few June Bugs which we'd catch along the way, tying a length of thread around one of their back legs and then letting them fly tethered to our dreams and attached to our fantasies.

Great lessons from long ago which teach the same today, but through memory.  Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - October 3rd and 4th

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Mentioned a few posts back as a distinct trait of following goals, realizing dreams, attaining personal success; our reading for October 3rd and October 4th is:

"Realize, success has costs" (James, 2012).

Doesn't everything in life?  True, however;  when we pay costs seeking something good, following something positive, it just seems more expensive to me.  I know this guy (we'll call him Jay), who just a month ago was realizing one of the great aspects of personal success, enjoyment. 

His life appeared to be going great, he love his job, he was daily working toward bring positivity to others, he had just bought a house, had family and friends to share this joy with; then within minutes it was quickly falling apart.  One cost of personal success is others' envy of someone else enjoying it. 

Starting anew is the kickback of such actions, if taken in stride and not allowed to defeat.  Peace be with you Jay, as you...

keep looking up....  : )   AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Browse/preview/purchase any of Allen James' publications at:

www.lulu.com/spotlight/allenjames1961 or
www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

The Journey: A Calendar Book reads for October 2nd:

"Use life as an education" (James, 2012).

Albert Einstein's words ring as clear today as they did when he uttered them.  Although I'm presuming, I'd guess most anyone reading this blog post would have heard of gaining an education from the "school of hard knocks".  The phrase certainly is one I grew up hearing on a regular basis.  As beneficial as a college or technical education may be to one, the lessons learned from our daily living are lessons which dwell much deeper in our being.

From day one, this blog has been about such lessons; each day a thought which I've planted on the page to grow in the readers' lives to enhance their life experience.  The good, bad, and ugly throughout life teaches not only our minds, but our souls, our inner selves, the value of each day's triumphs, losses, pains, and joys. 

Use life as an education....and keep looking up.  : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Browse/preview/purchase any of Allen James' publications by clicking on either of the links below:

www.lulu.com/spotlight/allenjames1961 or
www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks

James' latest, a children's book entitled Crystal the Condor Makes Friends, is now available.


October has finally arrived (most likely my favorite month of the 12), and with it The Journey: A Calendar Book provides me with a reading which awakens me deep within.

For those nearly 6000 of you who keep up with this blog on a consistent basis, I'm constantly reminding of how "personal", personal success.  This is not something I tend to let slip from my mind.   I often tell my students, "The world is made up of an estimated 7 billion people.  At any given point in time what this actually means, to me, is our day to day events are made up of an estimated 7 billion worlds", for each of our worlds revolve around the One true light.  Not getting mystical here, just real.  Often our worlds collide, and when they do either an explosion takes place within us which awakens us and demands we create order, again, from chaos, or we give up and implode within, our light dwindling until it is extinguished.

Recently another world collided with my world.  The reading for October 1st, a quote by Anna Quindlen, an American author, journalist, and opinion columnist whose New York Times column, Public and Private, won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary in 1992, provided me with a renewed awareness of the importance of creating order from chaos instead of allowing my light to extinguish:

"If your success is not on your own terms it is not success at all" (The Journey: A Calendar Book, 2012).  How true this statement is.  Allowing bullying at any stage in life is NEVER an option, we would ALL agree with this.  The cloaks of this world: insecurity, ego, possessiveness, jealously, discrimination, prejudice; will NEVER darken my vision to the Light within me, which, no matter what forks on the path in this journey I'm presented with, will assure I'll always take the "road less traveled".

Keep looking up.  : )  AJ