Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

From Allen James' The Journey: A Calendar Book for July 30th we receive a tidbit of advice which carries much weight when applied to our journey to personal success.  Tom Peters, an American writer on business management practices, and best known for his book, In Search for Excellence, writes:

"Under promise, over deliver" (Peters, 1982).

All too often, both in our personal and professional lives, we do just the opposite of Tom Peter's recommends; we over promise and under deliver.  I had a student (Cody) a few years ago who was very interested in going into radio broadcasting.  I hooked him up with a student (Ray), whom I had had as a student some 30 years ago who had gone into the field himself and been successful for over 20 years, in hopes of Cody gaining some job shadowing experience.  I asked Ray,  "If you have one piece of advice for Cody to find success in the field, what would it be.  Ray words were inspirational, "Never say no".  He told Cody if he was ever asked in an interview or on the job if he could do this or do that, always say yes, even if he didn't know how to do it, say "yes", then go learn to do it before you have to.

Kinda scarey to me; over promising, then risking not being able to deliver at capacity.  However; the "real world" of work is so much of the time not represented accurately in the "educational world".  Much of what we use "on the job" is gained after we are employed, most employers most concerned with good communication skills and good critical thinking skills.  Employers would rather teach employees the skills needed to "do" the job themselves.

Be wary of touting your skills/abilities to the extreme.  As with most aspects of our lives, it is a very critical to find the "sweet spot" where balance is found; as in Goldilocks and the Three Bears, what is "just right" for our personal success.

Tom Peter's wise words are worth taking note of....keep looking up.  : )   AJ

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Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

"Go on a 'date' with your significant other monthly" (James, 2012).

Guest blogger, Marianne Kavanagh, emphasizes the vitality of keeping the romance alive in relationships.  Today's posting adds much growth to relationships as well as direly needed time away.
 
"The irony of married life is that you live together but rarely have time to talk. Perhaps I should qualify that: married life with children. You bark shopping lists at each other, discuss who's picking up from ballet, argue over the washing up and accuse each other of losing the gas bill. But you very rarely indulge in the kind of rambling, inconsequential, flirtatious nonsense that makes you delight in each other's company: the long conversations that put the world to rights and make you realise why you got together in the first place.

Recently, a social dating network called the Asian Dinner Club introduced a new service, setting up "surprise dream dates" for married couples (with each other, I hasten to add – not some kind of wife-swapping experiment).

Founder Salima Manji says: ''A date night brings you back to when you first started dating – the excitement, the butterflies. It's about getting the spark back.''  I like the idea of butterflies. Home is, of course, wonderful but it's more about tea and The Archers than a fluttering kaleidoscope of colour. So I started to wonder what it would be like to have a date with my own husband. We've been married for 20 years, have three teenage children and very rarely go out on our own.This is quite baffling, because we don't even need babysitters anymore. We could be watching experimental theatre, laughing at stand?up comics, playing badminton together.

Instead, we spend our evenings cooking vast amounts of food (I still can't believe how much our sons eat) or acting as an anxious taxi service. In fact, I think the social highlight of recent months was the parents' evening at our sons' school – and we didn't even stay for coffee and biscuits. So the idea of an evening à deux was quite exciting. Would it be champagne and caviar? Sweet nothings over a candlelit dinner?

Almost immediately I started worrying about what to wear. When we first met – all those years ago when Matt was living in New York – I used to waft about in Nicole Farhi. But now, because I work from home, it's old jeans and a T-shirt. Matt doesn't need a work wardrobe either: he's an osteopath, so wears one of those clinical white coats. Reassuring for patients, but not a good look for a date.
OK, so nowhere too posh. I thought about going to the cinema, but skulking in the back row deafened by surround sound seemed like cheating: the idea of a romantic date is that you talk to each other.
I did briefly consider something active, like going to a dance class – I'm pretty sure they do salsa in the local church hall – but I mentioned this to Matt and he gave me one of his dark looks. I backtracked quickly. You don't want a romantic evening that involves your other half wishing he was somewhere else. So we settled on our local restaurant, Franklins, much?loved by the residents of East Dulwich in London. This had the advantage of being within walking distance, so neither of us could start moaning at the last minute about all the effort involved or saying, as people often do, "I've had such a hard day, why don't we just stay in? We could have a takeaway and watch University Challenge…"

So there I was at 7pm putting on mascara in the bathroom mirror. They may have been small cabbage whites, rather than huge wing-beating swallowtails, but I did have butterflies in my stomach. Watching me was Alice, our 15-year-old daughter. She said sternly: ''And when will you be back?''
''We're only going down the road,'' I said.
''What time?'' she said.
I suppose she learnt it from me.
They had given us a table for two. I had worried that we might look at each other, away from the pandemonium of family life, and be unable to think of a word to say. Parents get so used to conversations being interrupted, or even drowned out, that they can lose the knack of talking altogether. Or perhaps, I thought, if we do talk, we'll end up discussing humdrum domestic detail, like defrosting the freezer or filling the crack in the kitchen ceiling.
But none of this happened. Maybe it was the candlelight; maybe it was the wine; maybe it was the food which, unlike our normal slapdash productions, was just perfect. Whatever the reason, we talked non-stop and not one word of DIY passed our lips.
OK, so we're not Bogart and Bacall. But as we walked home hand in hand on that cold March evening, it felt like marriage was still pretty romantic.
Go on a date. Have an affair. Just do it with your..." significant other.


Keep looking up.  : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

 

 

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Anyone in or around the Southeast Missouri area was greeted with a beautiful summer morning.  Cooler temperatures mean cooler spirits as far as I'm concerned, especially following such a grueling hot week and weekend.  Celebrate the day, enjoy the respite.

Today's reading from Allen James', The Journey: A Calendar Book reads:

"Take your son/daughter out for a one on one day".

The cliche', "Time flies when you are having fun" certainly becomes more and more meaningful with age.  Although the source of the proverb, "time flies." "...While we dawdle, our lives pass swiftly",  has been traced back in English to 1386 in Chaucer's 'Prologue to the Clerk's Tale.' The earliest American appearance in print is 1710 in 'Mayflower Descendant.' The idea was first expressed by Virgil (70-19 B.C.), who wrote in the 'Aeneid': Fugit inreparabile tempus' (Time is flying never to return)..."  Regardless, the point is clear, make time when there is time, and time spent with offspring becomes some of the most important times in their, and our, lives.

To be certain, there are plenty of articles about making sure we spend individual time with each of our children on a regular basis.  I completely agree: finding time for each child is critical to relationship building.  However, it can often seem like a daunting task and can lead into a guilt complex as a parent if we are not careful. I’m not here to throw out the guilt card, just to refresh our memory on the benefits of sharing individual time with our child/children.


When we spend time with our child without the presence of anyone else, we are showing them they are important.  We can often tell them but as we know, actions go much deeper than our words.  I am often reminded of this when I try to multitask.  Although I'm very good at this, I think I often overlook how it can be perceived by those young ones in my life.  (Not having children of my own I connect mostly with my siblings' children.)  When we fail to stop doing to really listen and make eye contact, we lose the benefit of connecting.

Having just returned from a 4 day conference where I was fortunately enough to spend time with pass students who are now professionals, I was given a new perspective of the impact time together alone can be.

Connection

When time is taken to spend with our children, and give them 100% of our attention, interacting with them, we are helping them feel connected.  We are creating special times for them and us.
We want our child to feel both connected to the family as a whole, but also to each parent in their own way.  As children grow older each parent plays a significantly different role, so having invested in our child with our time will help transition these ‘sometimes’ difficult times.

Confidence

So many aspects contribute to a child’s self-confidence, but it starts primarily in the home.  If a child feels special and important, they generally will see themselves in that light too.  It is all about their perception of who they are.  They will wholeheartedly accept that they are special, important enough we will plan time with them or stop what we are doing to listen to them.

Critical Memories

We all have great family memories stored in the back of our minds, but how many of those are from times shared with only one parent?  Family memories are important, but individual memories  shared with our children have a special way of connecting both.  When we have photos which commemorate times shared together, even better! Having these memories to laugh about for years to come will be a great connector – they can sometimes become our own private jokes.

I've noted several times before I come from a large family; I'm the youngest of seven.  Throughout childhood there were few one on one times I can recall.  My mother expressed to me after I was grown and would come home to visit how special the times were when only one of her seven would come to spend time at home;  she appreciated so much the "one on one" quality time spent when just one was there with whom to "connect".

Take your son/daughter out for a one on on day.  It won't be regretted.  Keep looking up.  : )  AJ

(lifeyourway.com)

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success"

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Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 23rd, from "A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success",

"Celebrate" (James, 2012).

Every time we turn around it seems there is a holiday to celebrate. Maybe it just appears this way to me since I'm in education, where we live by quarters/semesters and time flies truly does fly when we live by such a regimented schedule.

However; according to life coach guest blogger, Tom Volkar, "celebration may just be the most underutilized tool in our toolbox. Some view celebration as soft or slacking off – like we aren’t really doing anything. Nothing could be further from the truth. Celebration is a pivotal stage in the productivity process because it allows us to commemorate all the good that we do.

"Unlike indigenous cultures, in the western world, we have forgotten many of our traditions, ceremonies and celebrations especially around the work that we do. In the name of progress, our culture has lessened rejoicing over everyday occurrences like sunrises and important seasonal events like harvest time. We need to remember that when the crops are safely in, it’s time to dance and make merry.

"Gratitude is the causative energy of appreciation that blesses us with ease and greater flow. Celebration is self-acknowledgment and recognition for successfully completing every small step. Completion is the triumphant achievement of our objective and our signal to proceed forward to the freshness of discovery. Here are five good reasons to celebrate more often.

Celebration helps us stay in the present where our power is. By celebrating the completion of every small step, we leverage the powerful energies of gratitude and momentum. Thomas Edison taught us that even each mistake along the way is cause for celebration. Life is all about the journey, and that means that every step, as well as reaching our destination, is part of our journey. Celebrating at every juncture is recognition of a life well lived and well worked.

"Celebration builds self-respect. Others treat us according to how we treat ourselves. It’s important to hold yourself in high regard. Perhaps, like me, your early caregivers did not celebrate your presence and special glow. Celebration overwrites this limited conditioning and tips the balance of your internal programming so that it’s more natural to think well of yourself.

"Celebration feeds our basic human need for self-love and self-acceptance. Celebration is emotional nourishment. Yet sometimes we simply don’t feel like celebrating because we’ve fallen into the habit of harshly judging ourselves. When this happens, there is a negative feeling remaining in our bodies from a challenging event in our past.

"Celebration is positive magnification. What we focus on expands. When we downplay or skip celebration, we are telling ourselves that we haven’t done enough to be proud of ourselves – so our self-doubt is what expands.

"Sometimes we lament our lack of progress and go on fruitless searches for the answer. But often what’s missing is as simple as a little jig of recognition or bursting out in spontaneous song.
Your very being is enough reason to celebrate. Select a project or any progress that makes you feel good and join Kool and the Gang in Celebration of your achievement (coreu.com)!


Celebration does not always seem appropriate.  A few days ago I mentioned having lost my close childhood through adulthood best friend, Jamie.  Our social customs unfortunately skew celebration of death to new life through our expression of loss via funerals.  I see it so differently, as other do I realize; however, for me death is a natural transition as we morph into the next leg of our journeys; the afterlife.  Knowing Jamie as I DO, I know what a celebration he would desire his friends, family, and loved one would be expressing as he makes this exciting journey onward.  I celebrate his accomplishments, his love toward others, his appreciation of earthly life, but most highly, his love for his Creator.


Celebrate!  Celebrate good and bad times; for certainly, we only live each second once, and how fast those seconds turn into decades.




Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Our reading for July 22nd is imperative for personal success...."Get plenty of rest" (James, 2012).

Ask any physician and they will tell you that rest is essential for physical health. When the body is deprived of sleep, it is unable to rebuild and recharge itself adequately. Your body requires rest.
Ask any athlete and they will tell you that rest is essential for healthy physical training. Rest is needed for physical muscles to repair themselves and prevent injury. This is true whether you run marathons, pitch baseballs, or climb rocks. Your muscles require rest.

Ask many of yesterday’s philosophers and they will tell you that rest is essential for the mind. Leonardo da Vinci said, “Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer.” And Ovid, the Roman poet, said, “Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” Your mind requires rest.

Ask most religious leaders and they will tell you that rest is essential for the soul. Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Baha’i, and Wiccan (among others) teach the importance of setting aside a period of time for rest. Your soul requires rest.
Ask many corporate leaders and they will tell you that rest is essential for productivity. Forbes magazine recently wrote, “You can only work so hard and do so much in a day. Everybody needs to rest and recharge.” Your productivity requires rest.

Yet, when you ask most people in today’s frenzied culture if they consistently set aside time for rest, they will tell you that they are just too busy to rest. Even fewer would say that they set aside any concentrated time (12-24 hours) for rest. There are just too many things to get done, too many demands, too many responsibilities, too many bills, and too much urgency. Nobody can afford to waste time resting in today’s results-oriented culture.

Unfortunately, this hectic pace is causing damage to our quality of life. We are destroying every sense of our being (body, mind, and soul). There is a reason we run faster and work harder, but only fall farther behind. Our lives have become too full and too out of balance. Somewhere along the way, we lost the essential practice of concentrated rest. We would be wise to reclaim the ancient, lost practice of resting one day each week.
 
Rabbi Elijah of Vilna once said, “What we create becomes meaningful to us only once we stop creating it and start to think about why we did so.” The implication is clear. We could live lives that produce countless widgets, but we won’t start living until we stop producing and start enjoying. Capture again the lost practice of resting one day each week and start truly living.

Get plenty of rest as you trudge on to personal success.

Keep looking up.  : )  AJ

(zenhabits.net)

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Jamie Ray Dutton, standing in the grey suit, was a dear friend and, as he always referred to me, my "brother by another mother".  Godspeed Jamie as you begin your next leg of the journey. 

"Reach out to the hand of a friend when extended" (James, 2014)

Today is a sad day for me.  I just received a call from one of my BEST childhood/adult friends and was informed our third musketeer lost his fight with death today.  My thoughts and prayers go out to his family and friends as they embark upon the journey of grieving. 

In times such as this, today's reading reverberates clearly.  I grew up in a small town in Western Kentucky, very small.  With our graduating class being only 33 students, you can rest assured we were a tight group.  Jamie Dutton worked diligently to maintain contact with as many close friends through the years as he could.  Thankfully I was blessed to be one of those. 

I feel fortunate to have been able to reach out to him, and others as well, in their time of extended need; and am as fortunate others have reached out to me in my times of need.  There is no regret for us when we live a personal life with those we love and have spent a lifetime caring about.  There is much regret when we do not.

Reach out to the hand of a friend when extended.  My wish for you is to live a life with few regrets and even fewer losses. 

Rest in peace Jamie, and "May flights of angels sing thee to they rest" (Shakespeare).

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

 

 

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Every 10 days of each of Allen James' Calendar Books holds esteemed quotes by notable individuals which relate to each individual book.  For example, A Teacher's Daily Guide to Success has notable quotes by individuals who have contributed or are contributing to the daily success of  teachers; A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success hold quotes every 10 days which edify high school or college graduates as they embark on their journey to personal success, although much has been attained by completing their education already; A Woman's Daily Guide to Success has....you get the picture. 

Our reading for July 20 falls on one such reading from The Journey: A Calendar Book and is a bit of wisdom from Thomas Edison, inventor of the electric light bulb (which has recently been deemed defunct and replaced by the "more efficient" florescent bulbs).  These words I certainly can add no more to.  They speak for themselves.

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."  (Edison, 1877).

Don't give up....if facing adversity in the search for personal success, adjust the road map.  : ) Keep looking up.  AJ

"Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an American inventor and businessman. He developed many devices that greatly influenced life around the world, including the phonograph, the motion picture camera, and a long-lasting, practical electric light bulb. Dubbed "The Wizard of Menlo Park",^[3] he was one of the first inventors to apply the principles of mass production and large-scale teamwork to the process of invention, and because of that, he is often credited with the creation of the first industrial research laboratory.^[4]

"Edison was a prolific inventor, holding 1,093 US patents in his name, as well as many patents in the United Kingdom, France, and Germany. More significant than the number of Edison's patents was the widespread impact of his inventions: electric light and power utilities, sound recording, and motion pictures all established major new industries world-wide. Edison's inventions contributed to mass communication and, in particular, telecommunications. These included a stock ticker, a mechanical vote recorder, a battery for an electric car, electrical power, recorded music and motion pictures" (Wikipedia, 2014).

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 17th...

"Applaud others when they deserve it" (James, 2012).

Just as we ourselves enjoy getting applauded for the good things we do, it only stands to reason others do as well. Personal success is attained through our diligent work and appropriate actions; applauding others when they deserve it is a very appropriate action.

When we applaud others we are not only giving the individual whom we are applauding reason to choose to feel good about themselves, we are as well filling our glass with optimistic energy.
How?

Applauding others shows much about us. It shows:

We are happy to share our opinions, therefore also giving others an opportunity to share their opinions with us
We’re a good communicator
We are positive – and who doesn’t want positive energy around?
We’re a good employee who wants what’s best for the organization, even if it means shining a positive light on someone else rather than ourself
We have a certain amount of trust in the person we're sharing this information with, and we care about them enough to share useful information

And, we’re networking as well. If we applaud others in the appropriate place at the appropriate time, we could be doing some pretty big favors; which is what networking is all about, connecting people who need each other.

Applauding others from time to time displays our positivity. We may be less likely to complain about others and prefer to see the good before seeing the bad; which means when we do see something bad, we’ve already given opportunities for improvement, and we may even offer a more balanced and objective view.

In applauding others when they deserve it, they in turn will be more likely to praise you. But be cautious. When applauding others make sure you mean it. Be real! If you just go around saying nice things about everybody all the time, it’s probably not genuine, and you will soon be ignored. The individual you’re applauding has to deserve the praise for this to work in your favor.

If you are genuinely someone who looks for the good in others and offers praise where praise is due, people will want to be around more. They’ll want to benefit from the optimism.

Applaud others when they deserve it. Add to not only their life, but others' as well.

Keep looking up.  : )   AJ

(Chatfield, 2012)

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success"

 

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Our reading for July 16th co-insides with July 11ths, and is taken from A Graduate's Daily Guide to Success, "Be computer literate"; today's reading is, "Learn how to type" (James 2012).

These days, it has turned a necessity for us people to spend much of our time in front of the computer. With this, typing has become less of an uncommon hobby, and more of a necessary skill. Although very few people utilize the old fashioned typewriter, the skills acquired "back in the day" in learning keyboarding skills are the same for the keyboards of today. It is never too early nor too late to learn how to type. And this is because typing has turned into much less of a repetitive routine. Typing games have been created to develop speed in writing and can be found on-line with a simple "search". But learning to type can somehow be difficult.

If children tend to fumble with their ABCs, so can adults fumble with their keyboards, thus making typing software indispensable.

In choosing the typing software to purchase, and consider the student's age and orientation. There are several typing games as there are keys on the QWERTY keyboard. For young children, there are games which feature cartoon characters and superheroes. For older teens, there are more advanced games.

When young children are using one of these typing games, guide them correctly - simply pounding on the keyboard is not the way to develop typing skills. (When they get used to this type of typing, we are be wasting our money for the long term.) We will want our kids to learn the correct way of typing, which he or she can learn through a typing game.

Adults with zero typing skills can jump-start their interest in typing with typing games - these are specifically designed to entertain and to educate at the same time. There are programs intended to integrate games and drills. There is no denying typing is basically a rote skill. The only way to enhance one's skills in typing and master it is through constant repetition. Gratefully, the typing programs available can be suited to our skill level. It is easy to master current levels and move on to the next level when already comfortable.


In this day and age when the fingers are the ones doing the talking, it has become imperative for anyone to have some amount of typing skills. Whatever profession we are pursuing, typing skills are necessary. With current crop of typing software available, everyone (from grandson to grandpa) will want to learn typing. They will forget the fact they are actually working to acquire, this otherwise, rote and boring skill.

There are different typing skills levels - there are the beginners and there are the speed typists. It doesn't matter what typing level, typing software programs can really help.

Are these typing softwares unfavorable when used at home or in the classroom? Answer: it is not what we've got, but how we use it. Don't pound the keys or just simply strike them. It is simple to study typing if we practice the software properly.

In today's world, there is much advantage for knowing how to type. Whatever the career path, knowing how to type is considered an asset (White, 2008).

Learn how to type....the hunt-and-peck method won't get us very far in the 21st century.

Keep looking up. : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzIjcgN4VP0

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 15th is taken from our feature Calendar Book for 2014, The Journey: A Calendar Book...

"Be accepting" (James, 2012).

There are some things in this world for which we can express "tolerance", but there are far more of which we should be "accepting".

One of the college courses I teach is Ethnicity and Cultural Diversity in America. There isn't one of the 16 weeks the course meets I don't mention the importance of our being accepting in lieu of tolerant.

Tolerance lends itself to sounding as if, although we give the appearance of being accepting, we do so with our guard up. We will tolerate an action or individual, but we do not embrace the action or individual.

There’s something about the word, tolerance, which makes me think “putting up with”, or “dealing with.” Saying, “I’m tolerant of ....,” is like saying, “I put up with .....” I know this is probably not what most people mean when they say they are tolerant of certain things/people, but this is what it sounds like to me. We tolerate the heat here in Missouri. We tolerate our neighbors who like to fight in the street every weekend. We tolerate things which are irksome, but we must suffer through each because we live on this planet.

Acceptance, while a bit more favorable, is still a fine line. I don’t agree with so and so, but I accept them as human beings and I realize they have a valid opinion. I don’t accept when certain people try to force their beliefs on me or force their arcane laws into government, but I understand why they want to live their own lives the way they do. I do accept them as people, and there are many whom I love. We may teach our children certain individuals have a set of beliefs by which they live their lives, and ours are different, but we make sure my kids know loving people is the most important thing they can do in this world to show acceptance.

Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines acceptance as: “to regard as proper, normal, or inevitable [...]” (merriam-webster.com). This is the definition I like.

There are things in this world which are inevitable. Not everyone believes as the same, and thinking everyone eventually will is silly.

Rethink personal attitudes regarding tolerance vs. acceptance? Are they different? Be accepting, in doing so we are showing compassion.

Keep looking up.   : )   AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

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Allen James' posting for July 14th ... "Give thanks"

Although today's post isn't taken from one of my Daily Guides to Success.... I felt it was appropriate for my last few days' experiences.

Acknowledgment of blessings in our lives creates positive energy within. Even when things don't work out perfect, we need to learn to appreciate what went well.

As I write this I'm sitting at my desk reflecting on the weekend spent visiting family in Owensboro, Kentucky.  Kentucky surely is "My Old Kentucky Home", for as soon as I entered the state when I return to visit my home state my mood changes;  the grass looks greener (or bluer I should say), the trees seems more vibrant, I feel like I'm home.  My weekend was spent staying with my niece in her newly purchased "first" home (I felt so good about her beautiful home in a nice safe neighborhood).  As well, she was the epitome of southern hospitality; going out of her way to make sure her uncle was comfortable and "at home" the entire visit.  An added treat was getting to hang out with not only her, but my niece Cyndi and her family and my cousin Brandon, now 23, whom I hadn't seen since he was literally a small child. The weekend certainly iterated in me my reading for April 15th in The Journey: A Calendar Book, "Spend time with your nieces and nephews" and March 1st, "Stay connected with 'family' as an adult".

Maintaining family connections in the 21st century becomes more and more difficult with mobility and social networking/technology.  Picking up the phone, texting a loved one, tweeting and posting a quick status update on Facebook just isn't the same, nor does it bond the connection we deep down hunger for with family members.

How quick we are to ignore or forget the influence "bloodline" has for who we are, who we've become. How quick we are to forget the positive aspects of our grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins has planted within us. Is it only human? I think not. It is a societal evolution.

Embrace the good which comes our way. Minimize the negative. Good ALWAYS trumps bad.

Give thanks.

Keep looking up.  : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

Our Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 10th is a quote from Winston Churchill, prime minister of the United Kingdom from 1940-1945 and again from 1951-1955 and whose personal successes included aiding in the defeat of the Nazi's to end World War II.

"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm." (Churchhill).

How interesting many of our "greats" made statements which upon first glace appear "oxymoronish"...."success" and "failure" certainly are polars...yet Churchill's statement, when looked at in context, makes complete sense.

Winston Churchill can say this with some authority. After all he was a washed up ex-British Prime Minister after the Second World War.  Although he led Britain, and in some ways the world, through an extremely turbulent time, he eventually lost his position as Prime Minister. But did he fade away? No. Despite the fact that he failed to retain his position, and everyone thought his career was clearly in it’s dying days, he managed to make a comeback and regain his position. He must have found it difficult. He must have felt humiliated after his defeat. Part of him must have wanted to just give up and move on. But another part of him wanted to have another shot at it. And that was the part that he listened to.

When faced with a challenge, which voice do we listen to, the one telling us to give up because it is too difficult and we’ll never make it, or the one telling us to carry on because we just might succeed?

Churchill failed, and yet he came back. He didn’t fade away. He didn’t give up.

"...let us run with determination the race which lies before us" (Hebrews 12: 1-2, KJV).

Keep looking up.  : )   AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

“The more light you allow within you, the brighter the world you live in will be.” ~Shakti Gawain

Calendar Books by Allen James' reading for July 9th from our featured calendar book for 2014, The Journey: A Calendar Book reads,

"Keep a journal for a year at least once in your life, then reread it every now and then."

I found rather late in my life how the process of journaling can add many positive benefits to our lives; it assists greatly with our personal growth and development. In the consistent writing down of our thoughts we gain insight into our actions and emotions.

In addition, writing in a journal is an effective tool for use in the healing process, which was the catalyst for my realizing its benefits.

My journaling began following a fatal car accident in 2002. As an English teacher as well as a psychotherapist, for years I had encouraged students and patients to maintain a journal; for English students it provides a plethora of ideas from which when faced with the "big paper".  For my patients, many of whom have faced traumatic events in their lives, it provides an outlet when there is no one else to talk to, it provides insight into their own emotional growth. Yet I had never kept one myself. I decided it was time to "practice what I preached".

As I was driving home during rush hour traffic one summer evening, another car took the turn into traffic in front of me (traffic was steadily rushing along at 60 miles an hour). For a split second the other driver and I made eye contact. There was no stopping my vehicle. I slammed on the brakes but this would not matter. My SUV flipped three times and landed upside down headed the opposite direction of traffic in the middle of the highway. The other vehicle rested some 50 feet away, its driver flung over the front seat.  Traffic was backed up for miles and over two hours.

The "slow motion phenomenon" had kicked in 100%, and as I hung there in my safety belt I realized "smoke" was rising around me. My immediate thought was, I've made it through the impact unharmed only to end up being burned alive in a blazing SUV, as I feared the vehicle was going to explode. I quickly struggled to get out of the safety belt, but it was jammed with my weight as I hung tightly against it. Somehow, through my frantic actions, I managed to get it loose and crawl out of the broken left window (The smoke had been from the air bag deploying). I walked away from the accident without a scratch.

Later I learned the young woman in the other car had intended for her destiny to be realized. She and her boyfriend had had a disagreement earlier in the day and she had made a statement to friends she was going to pull out in traffic and kill herself.  I just happened to be the innocent bystander at the other end of her choice. She died on the way to the hospital (Thankfully her two small children were not with her, evidenced by the two infant seats strapped in the back).

I was devastated for her, her children, her parents, her husband, even her boyfriend. I began journaling and continued for an entire year; reading over what I had written to attempt to come to terms with an event which, although I had no control over, effected me in major ways. It was my refuge in my darkest times of feeling somehow I could have kept this from having happened, but as well it was the catalyst to understanding there are no coincidences in this life; sometimes bad things happen to good people just as good things come to those who aren't so good. Although it seemed I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, in many respects I was in just the appropriate place at the appropriate time; growth and a renewed appreciation for life resulted.

There is an abundance of power in the placing of words to paper; especially in times of crisis. By expunging our minds of the plethora of thoughts which make no sense whatsoever as garbled paragraphs in our brains, onto paper where we can reread and clarify can be an emotional triumph.

Reading after journaling helps us to reflect on where we "were" and where we are "now". It is a method of allowing the light of understanding and compassion to shine on what has passed.I
Improving our perspective on life and clarifying issues can be accomplished simply by starting in a journal. We can only know where we are and where we're going if we know where we've been.

We all have dark days, black moods, and anxious feelings. Use writing in a journal to explore the darkness.

"Keep a journal at least once in your life, then reread it every now and then." We find inner light when doing so.

Keep looking up.  : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

 To get to know Allen James and his mission better, and to browse/review or purchase any of his publications, go to:

www.jamesharryman2002.wix.com/allenjamesbooks  or
www.lulu.com/spotlight/allenjames1961

Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 8th holds a special meaning for me personally; "When voted 'Most changed since high school' at your 20th and 25th class reunions, bask in the glory".

There are few increments of time throughout our lifetimes which we perceive as very meaningful to us; events which affirm our goals are attainable; events which aid in our acknowledging we've been on the path which we aimed for, having taken the appropriate fork in life's byways.  At any given moment the "present" garners all our time and energy and the "here and now" demands we realize its vitality to who we are and where we're headed. However; our adolescence plays such a pivotal role in forming our psyche and catapulting us toward our destiny.

I was never an overachiever by any means growing up. Being the youngest of 7 older siblings far out-shined me and took care of all of my needs growing up. By the time I got to high school I felt much like the character of Jan in The Brady Bunch during the now legendary episode where her lines, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha" echo through time; there had been 6 other Harrymans before me to whom I was expected to measure up. I wasn't a musician, I didn't play sports, I wasn't the class clown, I wasn't an honor roll student; where did I fit in the puzzle of our patchwork quilted family?

Seeming to hide in the shadows of those 6 siblings, I surprisingly was voted "Most Dependable" by my classmates our senior year. "Most Dependable"!  I barely had realized I stood out to any of my classmates. Looking back on it now I can think of no better honor than to be thought of as dependable by those with whom I grew up.

Following high school I broke out of the mold and was talked into entering higher education;a choice only one of my 6 siblings had taken upon themselves. From the very moment I received my high school diploma my life changed, dramatically. For the next 35 years I lived life; married, worked, more college, mortgage, work, divorce, changed jobs, sold homes, new mortgage. All the "normal" trappings of "living" passed not me by.

At the Dawson Springs High School class of 1979 reunion in 1999 and 2004 I was voted "Most Changed Since High School". For me it was another honor; it said to me those with whom I grew up who were now adults who perceived me as one of them; still dependable, but "changed" as well. This month I attend my 35th class reunion.  What will it hold?  Just getting to be with old friends will suffice.

Change is good. Applaud yourself when you see changes in your life which are positive. Bask in the glory of your ability to take control of the only thing you can control, yourself, your life, your today...your future.

Keep looking up.  : ) AJ

Calendar Books by Allen James - Daily Reading

Another beautiful day beginning. My hopes are, regardless what part of the world you're in or what time of the day it is at the moment this post is read, your day is or has been the same.  I took a few days off of writing over the weekend as I went to my sister's house in IL or the July 4th holiday.  It was much needed time away and much more needed time with family; although I had 2-5 year old great nieces and nephews crawling all over me from the time I walked in till the time I left.  (Being a good uncle is a special relationship.  Having no children of my own makes them this much more special).  

Our reading for July 7th is "Remember who your teachers were, send one a note years later".

Morrow, Monroe, Lynch, Siebert, Lowrey, Luther, Thorpe, Kiebler, Hazelwood, Bondurant, Hayes, Buzzard,Walker, Adams, Johnston, Lecke.... on and on I could go with the listing of my teachers while going through my formal education. These individuals were significant in my life during one of, if not the, most important times of my life; not only teaching me "school" lessons, but as well much about life lessons revolving relationships and social interaction.

Having become a school teacher myself and found the joy and feeling of satisfaction which one receives when past students express the appreciation for the role you played in their lives years prior, I can only encourage you to do the same when the opportunity arises.

Four years ago some of my childhood "classmates" and I visited our forth grade teacher, Mrs. Lowrey, in the nursing home where she lived, now 91 years of age. She was so touched by our visit. I'll never forget it. Although it's doubtful she recalled much from those 30 years ago...when I said to her, "Mrs. Lowrey, I remember you had us write an essay about what we thought life would be like in the year 2001" (It was 1971). It was so sweet the way she looked at me and retorted, "Jimmy, did you turn yours in?" (Maybe she didn't recall, but unknowingly she still had my number).

The people who walk through the revolving door of our lives are numerous; while some have little effect on our worlds as they share the same time and place, others have such an impact on us in positive ways it is a travesty we never acknowledge them personally. Certainly it's not expected from those who were our teachers, which is even more of a reason to do so.

Remember who your teachers were, send one a note years later...or take the time to visit with them... I bet you'll receive more from it than they.

Keep looking up.  : )  AJ

Calendar Books by Allen - Daily Reading - "The Journey: A Calendar Book"

Calendar Books by Allen James' posting for July 1st from "The Journey: A Calendar Book"..."NEVER accept violence as an option".

Domestic violence, gender violence, work violence; on and on I could go naming the various places where violence takes center stage at some point or another. In today's world it seems the "Golden Rule" has become, "Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you". How sad.

I've never been a fighter. Oh, sure; there were the "King of the Mountain" fights between my next oldest brother and me when we were kids, but other than those "reindeer games", I can't recall a time where violence is ever an appropriate option. When I was married my wife would become livid when I wouldn't fight back with her when she became upset over something; then the brushes and pots and pans would fly. It frustrates others when we don't respond in the manner similar to how they are acting out.

My oldest brother told me a story I'd never heard before about how he and my next to the oldest brother boxing when they were kids (pre-teens, circa 1957-58). As the story goes, our father (a military man) would regularly give them boxing gloves to head out to the front yard and "duke it out". My oldest brother got sucker punched in the nose and ended up with a nose bleed. He finally went in to have mom take care of it. When he returned, my father gave him one of his own punches for having "run to mommy" with the nose bleed.

As a young boy I recall my siblings fighting all the time (the two brothers a year and two years older than I). What upset me the most was when they would get physical: hitting, kicking, pinching, pushing and hair pulling; I would usually end up hollering at them. I allowed their actions to control my emotional responses.

Children are not born knowing how to negotiate or compromise. When they are frustrated, angry or annoyed they will sometimes strike out physically. If they aren't taught the skills they need to control their emotions and if they aren't given direction about how to negotiate and compromise, they may continue to resort to physical actions to get their way. It's our job as adults to teach them how to work through their disagreements in a socially acceptable way.

Here are a few options to assist children in realizing violence is better left along. Have the two who are fighting sit on the sofa at opposite ends, or on two adjacent chairs. Tell them they may get up when they have resolved the issue. At first you may have to mediate and guide the resolution. Over time they will learn how to negotiate and compromise on their own.

When two children are physically fighting, immediately separate them into different rooms for a cooling off period. When they have both calmed down, sit them at the table together and arbitrate a discussion between them until the issue is resolved.

Tell them they may not play together for one hour. Banish them to separate rooms. (Do not allow either child to watch TV or play video games.) Their first response is likely to be, "Great! I didn't want to play with him anyway." But after a boring hour playing alone, they will likely be better company for each other.

Have the aggressor do a chore for the injured sibling, such as make the bed or take out the trash. An alternate idea is to fine the aggressor a pre-determined amount of money, such as 25 cents. The injured sibling gets to keep the payment. (Impose a penalty only if YOU see the aggressive action.) Contract for better behavior: With your help, have the children create a contract agreement between them. Spell out what actions are unacceptable and what the consequences will be imposed for failure to meet the contract terms. Have each child sign the agreement and post it conspicuously. Follow through with the agreed consequences when necessary.

We mustn't always assume the child who is doing the hitting is the only one at fault. Sometimes the "victim" has taunted, teased, insulted and tormented the sibling to the point of wild frustration. While it is never appropriate for one child to hit another, it would behoove you to be aware of any behind the scenes torture which may be testing your child's patience to its limit. If you discover this is happening, begin to hold both children accountable for their behavior.

Catch them being good. Reward them for getting along with positive attention. When your children are playing together without fighting, make a comment of appreciation, such as, "I'm happy that you guys enjoy playing together." Giving attention when things are going well will encourage them to continue the positive behavior.

If your children have frequent intense battles, it is a symptom of a much bigger problem. It would be wise to seek the advice of a family counselor or therapist. You may be able to find an appropriate specialist through your church, school, physician or local hospital. This is a difficult issue to resolve on your own. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is a sign that you really care about your children and their relationship with each other
(sheknows.com).

With 7 kids at her feet constantly bickering and badgering each other, Momma got really good at just yelling, "Take it outside. No fighting in the house", and she could always use the, "Just wait until your father gets home".

NEVER accept violence as an option....and...keep looking up. : )  AJ